I'm not wasting any of my wasted time.
I intend to waste most of my thoughts and feelings feeling wasted.
I feel like wasting out on a new camera and a new classic ipod.
I may be wasting space on my 32GB iphone, but I like carrying my waste around with me.
I may be wasting my energy on that track, but it feels good to feel wasted.
I just wasted 5minutes of my life scrolling the facebook timeline.
I told myself it's a wasted life, looking at other wasted lives attempt to cover up their wastefulness.
I think wasting is fun, when there's nothing else that's of absolute clarity that beckons.
Maybe you got wasted one night, and you blurted everything out, and it was all a waste.
Maybe in your haste, everything you thought was wasteful, never really got wasted properly.
If it has to become waste, make sure you waste it to the full.
If you have leftover emotions, make sure they don't go to waste being in waste.
I'm not wasting any of my wasted time.
But I'll continue wasting,
until this bin of hoarding up wasted memories gets full and a new empty bin comes along.
It's ok to feel wasted, because nothing really should go to waste.
In fact, nothing really does go to waste.
Reuse, Reduce, Recycle.
Your past, your present, your future.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
Undercurrents
*long-winded. Don't read.*
Maybe we're not two-faced.
After all, we're just trying hard not to show the things people don't like to see.
The undercurrents of our inner souls,
the dark cold waters that are still at times,
and turbulent with massive whirlpools threatening to suck even the darkness in.
Why put it all out on a pedestal,
only to have people shun it,
or wish they hadn't laid eyes on it?
Yeah?
You tell yourself, love is patient and love is kind, it does not boast, it does not envy...
and it keeps your darkness at bay all for 3 seconds.
By the third gasp of breath,
the undercurrents have all surfaced, bubbling in sheer desperation to take over,
all that you've been working hard to maintain.
The calm, the peaceful ripples of life.
Temporal Paralysis.
Your body knows it cannot fight,
and it's smart.
Smarter than you think it is.
You can thrash in the water all you want,
and you'll still get sucked under.
But what if you just stopped.
What if you SHUT DOWN.
Your body goes rigid,
your eyeballs they roll back into your head,
life seems to slip away.
And for that moment,
the undercurrents are fooled.
They start bubbling in confusion.
Unsure and cocksure.
All at the same time.
Your rigid body gets sucked under anyway,
but the demons of the deep have lost their initial drive.
They're not interested in souls which don't seem to care whether or not they get sucked under.
It spits you out.
And despite being lifeless,
your body retains some form of warmth,
the hope,
the knowledge that the days are long,
and the battles are not lost until the day you turn to ashes.
Like a dim light in a dark room,
the little bit of warmth in your body lights up the dark empty room of your soul.
Shadows start dancing around,
because the light is back.
Dim, but fills the room.
It grows brighter,
and the shadows,
they grow bigger and clearer too.
For those few hours,
sitting on my chair,
reading and re-reading,
looking and re-looking,
thinking and re-thinking,
it is what it is.
I choke,
and I gasp and rejoice in the fact that my dreams are still alive,
my mum,
who just an hour ago,
lay limp and pale in the car drenched in cold sweat,
5 minutes ago sat on my bed asking for tidbits,
the color back in her face.
I'm thankful,
that God made me with a automated mechanism to keep me from going down under.
There are alot of people who need me,
I have baggage,
and responsibilities.
Who doesn't?
Ok, some people honestly don't seem to have any.
But that's them,
they have other worries of their own too,
I'm sure.
No room for compare, contrast and self-pity.
But,
What if I need you,
so I can continue being needed by the others?
What if someone needs you,
so they can continue being needed by others?
Can you handle that?
Can you love even when it's hard?
Can you love someone for everything?
The good the bad,
the seemingly necessary,
and the sometimes unnecessary,
so that they will have a little more strength to continue in their wretched circles.
Someone will be there for me.
I know he's there for me.
All the days of my life.
In my joy, I will rejoice.
In my suffering, I too will lift up my weary hands,
and say "Holy, holy is the King of Heavens and Earth and the keeper of my soul."
Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord,
wretched or not.
:)
It's been a long day, I am so so so tired.
I'm so happy I'm still walking on water,
and not under.
If you're feeling like me,
don't give up.
Don't ever, ever give up.
On that person, that dream, that thought that started you off in the first place.
Take heart, It happens.
You're not alone.
*wow, you finished reading it anyway. *
Maybe we're not two-faced.
After all, we're just trying hard not to show the things people don't like to see.
The undercurrents of our inner souls,
the dark cold waters that are still at times,
and turbulent with massive whirlpools threatening to suck even the darkness in.
Why put it all out on a pedestal,
only to have people shun it,
or wish they hadn't laid eyes on it?
Yeah?
You tell yourself, love is patient and love is kind, it does not boast, it does not envy...
and it keeps your darkness at bay all for 3 seconds.
By the third gasp of breath,
the undercurrents have all surfaced, bubbling in sheer desperation to take over,
all that you've been working hard to maintain.
The calm, the peaceful ripples of life.
Temporal Paralysis.
Your body knows it cannot fight,
and it's smart.
Smarter than you think it is.
You can thrash in the water all you want,
and you'll still get sucked under.
But what if you just stopped.
What if you SHUT DOWN.
Your body goes rigid,
your eyeballs they roll back into your head,
life seems to slip away.
And for that moment,
the undercurrents are fooled.
They start bubbling in confusion.
Unsure and cocksure.
All at the same time.
Your rigid body gets sucked under anyway,
but the demons of the deep have lost their initial drive.
They're not interested in souls which don't seem to care whether or not they get sucked under.
It spits you out.
And despite being lifeless,
your body retains some form of warmth,
the hope,
the knowledge that the days are long,
and the battles are not lost until the day you turn to ashes.
Like a dim light in a dark room,
the little bit of warmth in your body lights up the dark empty room of your soul.
Shadows start dancing around,
because the light is back.
Dim, but fills the room.
It grows brighter,
and the shadows,
they grow bigger and clearer too.
For those few hours,
sitting on my chair,
reading and re-reading,
looking and re-looking,
thinking and re-thinking,
it is what it is.
I choke,
and I gasp and rejoice in the fact that my dreams are still alive,
my mum,
who just an hour ago,
lay limp and pale in the car drenched in cold sweat,
5 minutes ago sat on my bed asking for tidbits,
the color back in her face.
I'm thankful,
that God made me with a automated mechanism to keep me from going down under.
There are alot of people who need me,
I have baggage,
and responsibilities.
Who doesn't?
Ok, some people honestly don't seem to have any.
But that's them,
they have other worries of their own too,
I'm sure.
No room for compare, contrast and self-pity.
But,
What if I need you,
so I can continue being needed by the others?
What if someone needs you,
so they can continue being needed by others?
Can you handle that?
Can you love even when it's hard?
Can you love someone for everything?
The good the bad,
the seemingly necessary,
and the sometimes unnecessary,
so that they will have a little more strength to continue in their wretched circles.
Someone will be there for me.
I know he's there for me.
All the days of my life.
In my joy, I will rejoice.
In my suffering, I too will lift up my weary hands,
and say "Holy, holy is the King of Heavens and Earth and the keeper of my soul."
Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord,
wretched or not.
:)
It's been a long day, I am so so so tired.
I'm so happy I'm still walking on water,
and not under.
If you're feeling like me,
don't give up.
Don't ever, ever give up.
On that person, that dream, that thought that started you off in the first place.
Take heart, It happens.
You're not alone.
*wow, you finished reading it anyway. *
Friday, July 20, 2012
微笑的原因。
一天可以就這樣過去，
一年也很有可能在你還沒完全痊愈的情況下就這樣離去。
快速的人生，快速的轉移心裡面的負擔和愛意。
以為自己在原地打轉，
其實時間只要一刻不停止，
即使原地打轉，也能夠轉出個奇蹟。
心裡的浪潮，得不到片刻的安靜。
但這一切，都不算甚麼。
沒甚麼是必要的。
就算是快樂，也不是理所當然的，也不是必須。
拼命追尋，好像是我們大多數人活著的宿命。
追尋這我們理想中的快樂，的美妙生活。
誰不想幸福？
誰不想快樂。
這幸福，這快樂，怎麼卻如此的不切實際。
不扎實。
就算是快樂，我們也變成了“就算只是曾經擁有我也死而無憾”的貧窮人類。
因為不扎實，我們拼了命的想要揮霍。
想要擁有所能夠擁有的一切，一切不扎實的美。
甚麼是快樂？
真正的快樂？
甚麼是擁有？
扎扎實實的擁有？
沒有。
眼睛看到的，
在腦袋里打轉，
變成心裡的哪一根刺，
哪一份溫暖。
眼睛矇矇的，
看到都是朦朧的美。
濕濕的，
溫溫的，
在眼睛里打轉，
形成了一個微笑。
嘴角沒能力完成的微笑，
變成了眼睛微笑的原因。
如果能夠，我還是會一樣傻，一樣努力，一樣固執，一樣脆弱。
這些，都變成了我微笑的原因。
He won't give me a solution to my problem,
but he gives us the strength and the grace to face it.
And the knowledge, that He is the solution.
I may be alive and hurting,
I may have regrets,
I may hate somebody right now,
I may be in love with someone,
all that will change...
But God doesn't.
He taught me,
that it's not hard for me to love you.
Unconditionally.
(oh, and thank you Mr Mraz. Your talent, @$%!? I feel like swearing, but I shouldn't so, BOOMZ. )
一年也很有可能在你還沒完全痊愈的情況下就這樣離去。
快速的人生，快速的轉移心裡面的負擔和愛意。
以為自己在原地打轉，
其實時間只要一刻不停止，
即使原地打轉，也能夠轉出個奇蹟。
心裡的浪潮，得不到片刻的安靜。
但這一切，都不算甚麼。
沒甚麼是必要的。
就算是快樂，也不是理所當然的，也不是必須。
拼命追尋，好像是我們大多數人活著的宿命。
追尋這我們理想中的快樂，的美妙生活。
誰不想幸福？
誰不想快樂。
這幸福，這快樂，怎麼卻如此的不切實際。
不扎實。
就算是快樂，我們也變成了“就算只是曾經擁有我也死而無憾”的貧窮人類。
因為不扎實，我們拼了命的想要揮霍。
想要擁有所能夠擁有的一切，一切不扎實的美。
甚麼是快樂？
真正的快樂？
甚麼是擁有？
扎扎實實的擁有？
沒有。
眼睛看到的，
在腦袋里打轉，
變成心裡的哪一根刺，
哪一份溫暖。
眼睛矇矇的，
看到都是朦朧的美。
濕濕的，
溫溫的，
在眼睛里打轉，
形成了一個微笑。
嘴角沒能力完成的微笑，
變成了眼睛微笑的原因。
如果能夠，我還是會一樣傻，一樣努力，一樣固執，一樣脆弱。
這些，都變成了我微笑的原因。
He won't give me a solution to my problem,
but he gives us the strength and the grace to face it.
And the knowledge, that He is the solution.
I may be alive and hurting,
I may have regrets,
I may hate somebody right now,
I may be in love with someone,
all that will change...
But God doesn't.
He taught me,
that it's not hard for me to love you.
Unconditionally.
(oh, and thank you Mr Mraz. Your talent, @$%!? I feel like swearing, but I shouldn't so, BOOMZ. )
Monday, July 09, 2012
Saturday, July 07, 2012
Wednesday, July 04, 2012
You Give Me Something
You want to stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep
I was meant to tread the water
Now I’ve gotten in too deep
For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away
‘Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright
This could be nothing
But I’m willing to give it a try
Please give me something
‘Cause someday I might know my heart
You already waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me
And I can say I’ve never bought you flowers
I can’t work out what they mean
I never thought that I’d love someone
That was someone else’s dream
‘Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright
This could be nothing
But I’m willing to give it a try
Please give me something
‘Cause someday I might call you from my heart
But it might be a second too late
And the words that I could never say
Gonna come out anyway
‘Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright
This could be nothing
But I’m willing to give it a try
Please give me something
‘Cause you give me something
That makes me scared, alright
This could be nothing
But I’m willing to give it a try
Please give me something
‘Cause someday I might know my heart
Know my heart, know my heart, know my heart
Please give me something.
That makes me feel alive.
Out eating, out drinking, out watching movie, strolling, chuckling, frowning, cycling, star gazing, topic chasing, people watching, minds wandering, love a fluttering... living.
my oh my.
Racy days
Help me through the hopeless haze
But my oh my
Tragic eyes
I can't even recognize myself behind
So if the answer is no
Can I change your mind
Out again, a siren screams at half past ten
And you won't let go
While I ignore, that we both felt like this
Before it starts to show
So if I had a chance
Would you let me know
Why aren't you shaking
Step back in time
Graciously taking
Oh your too kind
And if the answer is no
Can I change your mind
We're all the same
And love is blind
The sun is gone
Before it shines
And I said if the answer is no
Can I change your mind
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