deelusional

2012-01-07T16:45:00.001+08:00

I watched this three times. I'm so tickled, so amazed and so inspired. Big heads short hands also can dance so well??? Open chan can do spin and split summore???

I like Open Chan so much now I want to buy the costume.

2012-01-04T01:59:00.002+08:00

哈

此刻找不到更适合的歌...就这首吧 :)

15天的外出好多里面的我又开始启动了。

但我其实不想走...

想要多一点时间...

多一点机会可以...

我得找更适合得歌。

2012-01-03T01:50:00.001+08:00

2011-12-02T01:30:00.002+08:00

林宥嘉 - 拥有

曲：郑楠
词：张鹏鹏/施人诚

才不介意你又忽略我
眼睛忙着储存你笑容
你身边那么多爱你的朋友
我哪会遗憾什么

只在乎你偶尔的沉默
耳朵听见有暗潮汹涌
有没有什么心事要对我说
我已等候那么久

快乐时你不用分心想起我
难过时请一定记得联络我
让我分享你的苦带走你的忧愁
我觉得这样也算拥有

只在乎你偶尔的沉默
耳朵听见有暗潮汹涌
有没有什么心事要对我说
我已等候那么久

快乐时你不用分心想起我
难过时请一定记得联络我
让我分享你的苦带走你的忧愁
我就拥有你一些些什么
快乐时你不用分心想起我
难过时请一定记得联络我
让我分享你的苦带走你的忧愁
我只求这样把你拥有

那么无私的拥有，真的可以存在吗？

我试着。一起来吧。

2011-11-27T11:37:00.003+08:00

Mega stressed out I don't have time to be emo or play the blame game.

The next two weeks are going to be a real test of my character.

How does my mum juggle being a mother, a friend, a teacher, a sister, a wife all at once.

I can't even juggle being a friend, a daughter and a singer properly.

Our ancestors used to have time to take 2 day trips from one city to another on a horse carriage. How is it that now NONE of us have time. We are ALL busy. It makes no sense to me.

Deep breath. One thing at a time.

Seek first his kingdom. Having said that, I am still in my PJs instead of being in church because I couldn't find my jeans and in the midst of finding my jeans realised we have clothes unreturned! Hence this blog post. Talk about being unprepared for church.

So guilty.

2011-11-25T18:06:00.002+08:00

It all comes down to this

I've got a little bit of savings. Enough to keep me alive for now.

But being alive isn't good enough for me.

I want to live. I want to burn like the stars, burning in their own existence, burning out, becoming smaller and smaller but still bringing light and opening up the realms of imagination.

I've been thinking so hard about diversification.

I'm afraid to not diversify. To put my eggs into one basket.

It bothers me so much, I can't really breathe somedays when I don't see a prospect of anything.

I see the people around me, making good of their other talents. Making better even.

That music seems to be the other entity that will flourish only if you successfully diversify and commercialize on your other talents.

It freaks me out. That after searching, and opening up the options, willing myself to take on challenges. That there really isn't anything I can diversify into now without giving up so much of what I'm just beginning to want to commit myself fully into.

I've reached a point where I'm willing to pay if it gets music somewhere.

And that, is a scary thought.

Someone once told me, that If I ever wanted to do music or make a movie... that I should NEVER have to fork out my savings. Because the moment you start doing that, its the point of no return. You'll ALWAYS be working from your savings.

But, I'm starting to inch towards giving my all. And it scares me, so much.

Because, I'm not sure I have what it takes to make good.

I can't even play a proper song on the piano or the guitar to save my life.

What is it I'm supposed to be hanging on for?

I know there's something, because the fire burns and scalds not just me.. but the people around me. But I don't know what this something is, because from wherever I look, and wherever I look. There are a thousand success cases out there, and I'm just me.

The little chilli padi in church who never seemed to fear the stage and fought anyone tooth and nail despite the person being a guy triple her size. I was born fearless, and then I grew up to learning to fear.

I've got nothing to lose, so much to prove.

Yeah. ROck on.

2011-11-13T05:07:00.003+08:00

新加坡金曲奖2011

别的事就不用说，就说今天最让我感动，最让我心跳加速，还有最让我开心的。

1. 感动：当我发现包子们真的为了我们而来，从头到位都很留意着我们的后脑勺还有言行举动。本来觉得有点失落，但到后来却觉得受宠若惊了。今天真的很感动，我们怎么那么有福气啊？因为那么感动，刚才才会想要一个一个的拥抱你们，才会好想做cheer。好想征服，好想让自己爬到一个有份量去做一点点小小革命的地位，我是说音乐。就像Ella在E乐大奖的时候，一句话就把全体艺人拉在一块做一些轻松玩的动作。多好！感动，我感觉我真的能够有朝一日放胆的在那么美丽又带点有色眼光的舞台前用力的享受台上音乐人的表演，也能够有一天为自己台上的所作所为而感到平静的骄傲。谢谢你们，让我感到无比的快乐和温暖。我真的有在努力！相信我！

2. 心跳加速：看到Yoga那么自我的表演方式，感觉那种我没办法控制自己身体去摇动的力量。表演完毕，我只想说“不够！不够！拜托再唱！我才刚暖身！”想说希望多给我几首歌的时间让我有勇气放开一切束缚，一切背负着的惨痛经历，义无反顾的站起来歌颂好的音乐，好的歌手。一切结束，我心还蠢蠢欲动。活着的感觉很棒。谢谢诚心诚意，完全和自己音乐融为一体的林宥嘉。把你当偶像真~~他妈的~~(被爸爸提醒言语要检点，要小心。抱歉啊！一时的激动！）的一点也没错。

3. 最开心：在一个那么多真心诚意付出的音乐人当中，能入围真的很开心。但我真的没那么...ZEN. 我很在意，我很重视这个一年一度的颁奖典礼。我只希望他们能越做越猛，在一个如此混乱的音乐时代里，一个以金钱为前提的社会里... 坚持一些生意人永远没有办法了解的坚持。音乐本来就是一种固执，一种自私但又跨越一切的享受。这种固执不容以，但今天得到一个朋友的肯定，说她一直都在听我们的专辑，直到现在...还在听。又因为跟着宥嘉在台下又唱又跳而两三次听到他对我们说“谢谢”觉得...耶。这就是我们搞音乐想要feel到的满足感。小小的一些举动，让我开心得现在睡不着。

我一点都不觉得自己厉害，也从来不敢多点推销自己或自己得专辑。一直都希望，the music will speak for itself. 但其实，我今天也学到...相信自己做得音乐，认同自己付出的成果，很～重～要～所以，虽然我们的专辑也已经漂浮了一年多的时间，入围三项题名，连上台表演的机会也没有，我还是想说《人生实验课》这张专辑是我们插班生的血汗。请你一定要听一听。不，请你听了，再听。因为我相信里面的一些小小的感动，你会感同身受，也和我一样觉得很棒，很不错。

希望越来越多人喜欢我们，喜欢我们的音乐。好让我们可以继续，继续在音乐这条路上打滚滚。

谢谢上帝给予我们音符，赐给我们音乐。真的很感谢你。你是万王之王，最有音乐细胞的也是你！

2011-11-12T01:24:00.003+08:00

Dependence/Independence

how many can i pick up,

how many can i close,

how many minutes can go by,

how many songs will I sing,

before my heart no longer beats those joyous rapatumtums when you're here.

how many more hellos,

how many more goodbyes,

how many empty goodnights,

how many be-there-be-here,

before I grow my own wings to fly,

and travel on the power of... awesome chord transitions.

I can't blame myself for losing control when I'm on stage.

That's when I'm truly free.

Everyday is a struggle, is that why we're called muggles?

2011-11-10T23:13:00.002+08:00

2011-11-10T22:28:00.002+08:00

Collabs like this make me itch all over.

2011-11-10T18:22:00.002+08:00

"I think i have the tendency of complicating things... I always envision music to be so damn powerful. I know music is powerful in its simplicity, but it helps me put in my 100% and more knowing that other than my voice, I'll be able to feed the people coming with a little more... and hopefully inspire myself and people to live the next ten years well, even if the feeling only lasts for a moment...."

I can totally understand why people will want to roll their eyes and their innards when I say this. But unfortunately, this is truly what I want to say... I can sing you twinkle twinkle little star. But thats only because I want to draw your eyes to the wonder of an art piece that the creator made to remind us of a greater purpose, and beauty beyond what we can ever imagine. Music is a tool. And I sing. So I'm a tool to a tool.

2011-11-10T18:09:00.003+08:00

You feel most alone when...

Everyone else close to you seems to be getting inspired by someone or something.

And you're just waiting for the wave to hit.

Waiting, waiting...

You take a step closer and you ask for it.

You wait a little more.

Be patient, you tell yourself.

It'll come, when you least expect it.

And nothing happens.

And nobody understands.

They just think you're mad, needy and ... uninspiring.

That's when you feel most alone.

But a small voice in your head says,

"It'll come. When you least expect it."

And as my good friend mono says.

"faith."

2011-11-03T18:48:00.002+08:00

我想说...

我看不见你真实的心情也不懂你什么跟什么的关系。

但感觉好像飘浮不定的叶子掉落在水池里怎么也飞不起。

看见天空蓝中带灰，听见风中的泪。

世界的缺陷美，情让我重新去体会。

你有没有也这么认为，

无聊写歌歌词烂到无人理会，

内心却觉得it's ok，反正听不懂照样还是K.

我写给谁，谁听见谁，谁又忘了谁...

怎么那么多东西明明就没有触碰过，也不知到会又什么结果，

却硬还是会有诱惑？

是上帝赐的恩惠，还是魔鬼在作祟？

是得不到得永远比拥有的珍贵，

还是天下真的有美梦成真那样的体会。

有没有那么一天，我会得到我所妄想的人和事。

心里满满的幸福，不再问“有没有”这回事。

来个“不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有。”

到头来你牵着我的手，却发觉什么感觉也没有。

看见天空蓝中带灰，听见风中的泪。

世界的缺陷美，情让我重新去体会。

2011-11-02T14:43:00.002+08:00

如果说...

来一个梦幻的遇见，

除去我不断的思念，

思念是一种...

是一种...

是很多种...

如果说可以，你就会赴汤蹈火。

如果说愿意，你会死而复活。

如果一切可以，我说随意，你我就可能没了如果。

唱首歌叫“何必”,

早知如此又何必当初，

来个翻天覆地，

不要不敢继续。

热恋是一种...

是一种...

何必那么冲？

如过说可以，不要放开我的手。

如果说愿意，我也不能答应会小心翼翼。

如果那么容易，你不介意，我写这首歌就很没意义。

那...何必？

2011-10-31T22:56:00.003+08:00

I always say no right at the beginning or start of with a frown.

But I'll be there at the end and get it done.

I promise I will.

At least I don't smile, say yes, I can do it.

And forget or don't bother about it at all.

I'm not like that.

I don't do well with the formalities.

I don't do well with the making-you-feel-good.

I'm so much like my mum sometimes it pains me when I get annoyed with her.

It's like being annoyed with myself, and it hurts doubly bad.

I'm not sure I can take it.

Hello me, stop torturing me.

Take a chill pill. YEAHHHH.....one thing at a time, one day at a time.

I'll be there, right at the end. No matter what.

2011-10-29T02:57:00.003+08:00

外婆别走。

我怎么这么累啊....

忙生活忙音乐忙赚钱养这个梦忙自修忙开心忙无奈忙感慨忙忙忙！

一个字，爽。

你们不要离去，拜托不要放弃我。

I'm a needy kid.

有你们在，你不知道我有多么多么的放心，多么多么的自在，多么多么的强壮。

不要不要不理我。

不要不要不相信我。

我想成为宇宙无敌，keroro军曹是也！！！！

真的累了。

明天还要一大清早爬起来帮小朋友努力考出好成绩来！耶！

我今天，有点...怀疑了。

有点... “已经很勇敢，还是难过。”了。

想着过世的外婆....心里知道，如果你在的话，我一定和你无所不谈。

我又想你了。

谢谢你曾经在这世上，爱过我，短短的五年...我永远的记忆，的能量。

也谢谢你们，包子们。

是一种缘分吧我想... :)

我外婆也会很喜欢你们的。

2011-10-28T00:42:00.001+08:00

Hi Peiqi, thanks for reading my blog. And thank you for the dinner. I promise to write more in english. Unfortunately, recently I have been rather stable and uninspired. I usually blog when I am very affected by something, but I've been very calm and stoic these days. I will hopefully see you in Hk very very soon. Maybe one day, we'll open a cafe... that's a fusion between your asian delights and my western delights.

Love,

Dee.

2011-10-12T00:04:00.002+08:00

那些年一起...

虽然感冒发高烧，但我现在真的好想淋一场雨。

哭一场大的。

深呼吸再继续大笑....

2011-10-09T23:11:00.000+08:00

I can truly let my guard down and enjoy myself with my kinkies.

For that, I am eternally grateful.

With you girls, I always feel in my element... and that's a precious feeling I never want to let go.

2011-10-04T00:19:00.002+08:00

好奇怪

不喜欢这种累到影响声音的状态，

但又很享受累到撑不住但发觉自己原来还可以继续的力量。

我想再累。再疯狂！

我真的是台上疯，台下静。

好奇怪。

我自己试着在了解自己。

好奇怪。

休息，是为了走更长远的路。

声音，你一定要乖。

古乃！

2011-10-01T02:26:00.002+08:00

无可奈何

这个九月，过得太充实。

没赚大钱，没在歌唱事业上有大突破。

继续默默耕耘，细细祈祷。

但需要大事庆祝的日子太多了。

我很努力的在做好朋友的本份....

但我真的很累。

好多的无可奈何。

我当然为你感到开心，但我也很精疲力尽。

有些人，做事，做人...

不够漂亮。

人情事故... 真是一门学问。

我所感受到的无可奈何....

大多数是好人造成的。

哈哈。

我想我也曾经让好多人感到无可奈何吧？

为什么呢？

原因简单到吓人。

因为，我也是好人。

木－啊－哈哈哈哈哈！

晚安。

＊累到发狂＊

2011-09-15T00:50:00.002+08:00

Battle Studies/Battle Wounds

I was born in the arms of imaginary friends

free to roam, made a home out of everywhere I've been

then you come crashing in, like the realest thing

trying my best to understand all that your love can bring

oh half of my heart's got a grip on the situation

half of my heart takes time

half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you

that I can't keep loving you (can't keep loving you)

oh, with half of my heart

I was made to believe i'd never love somebody else

I made a plan, stay the man who can only love himself

lonely was the song I sang, 'til the day you came

Showing me another way and all that my love can bring

oh half of my heart's got a grip on the situation

half of my heart takes time

half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you

that I can't keep loving you (can't keep loving you)

oh, with half of my heart

with half of my heart

your faith is strong

but I can only fall short for so long

Down the road, later on

you will hate that I never gave more to you than half of my heart

but I can't stop loving you

I can't stop loving you [x3]

but I can't stop loving you with half of my...

half of my heart

half of my heart's got a real good imagination

half of my heart's got you

half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you

that half of my heart won't do

half of my heart is a shotgun wedding to a bride with a paper ring

And half of my heart is the part of a man who's never truly loved anything

half of my heart [x6]

Just when I had you off my head
Your voice comes thrashing wildly through my quiet bed
You say you wanna try again
But I've tried everything but giving in

Why you wanna break my heart again
Why am I gonna let you try

When all we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye

I bought a ticket on a plane
And by the time it landed you had gone again

I love you more than songs can say
But i can't keep running after yesterday

Why you wanna break my heart again
Why am I gonna let you try

When all we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye

We say goodbye
We say goodbye
We say goodbye

All we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye
All we ever do is say goodbye

All we ever do is say goodbye
[to fade..]

2011-09-05T06:23:00.002+08:00

懒惰鸟

天天看着蓝色天空变灰蓝不见，

西边风景吹洗脸上的悲伤...

呆呆的继续望着，

想着。

不小心又睡着，

幸好没从大树跌落大地，

保护者大树叔叔，

可爱的绿叶阿姨，

温暖的鸟巢爸妈，

一直担心却又不敢多说，

耐心的望着我的后脑，

想像着，幻想着。

太阳起得早，

伸懒腰的时候不小心露出了一点春光。

晒在蓝鸟身上。

一惊之下，

发觉好多事情还没做。

那几年爸妈收集的虫子都块被吃完了。

起来了，要努力寻觅，

努力实现着一切...

早起的懒鸟。

*yawn*

Say a little prayer, spread those wings and soar.

2011-08-24T01:21:00.002+08:00

Dear you.

渐渐淡忘的回忆。
模糊了的画面。
不变的咖啡厅。
无巧克力的冷饮。

篮球场上的友谊。
午餐时间的约定。
五颜六色的信纸。
天天都是礼物大交换。

啼笑皆非的场面。
全场热血的欢呼。
后台流过的泪水。
散场后的拥抱。

曾经暧昧过的人。
曾经哭诉过的耳。
曾经安慰过的唇。
曾经无法控制的心跳。
曾经破碎了的心。

永远存在的疑惑。
一直叹息着遗憾。
不断回忆的过去。
不停行走的道路。

久违了的朋友。
走远了的同学。
梦想过的少年。
离开了的人啊。

好久不见。

想念了。

2011-08-19T02:06:00.002+08:00

Craving for that breakthrough,
but closing my eyes in silent anticipation and hope.
Its an uphill battle that is bound to end with victory.

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body."

-2 Corinthians 4: 8-10

2011-08-08T16:15:00.003+08:00

Shingz-gapore's D&D 2011.

My mum reads the newspapers, believes everything the paper says.

I get interviewed by the papers, she reads it and insists that I talk rubbish.

Well, technically.. everything in there's pretty rubbish!

But she still reads them and chooses to value everybody's else's opinions except mine. :(

It's a little frustrating, and a teeny weeny bit amusing.

But in this case,

SERIOUSLY.

I don't think I'm being rubbish at all.

The reporter(Hua Gui) called me a day before, and I really put thought into what i initially thought to be a rather non-consequential question.

http://showbiz.omy.sg/Showbiz/E-News/Story/OMYStory201108080421-266007.html

The question was: If I had a choice, what programming would I want to see in the annual National Day Parade?

Its a huge national event.

Just appearing in half our national colour and slightly exercising those biceps doesn't really count as being part of the CELEBRATION!

SURPRISE US!!!!

(really, we're very very easily surprised and contented, contrary to PAPlic opinion.)

Happy Birthday Singapore :)

We might not have a whole lot of history or a very special culture,

but if our self-value as a nation came from comparing ourselves to every other nation in this world, we'd be a very miserable bunch.

We're not that delightful yet, and we can definitely do better!

I could travel the oceans and soar across the skies,

but no matter what accent I attempt to imitate,

or whatever fake colonial slang I put on,

I'll always be Singaporean LAH.

Because,

this is HOME LOR.

You can take me out of Singapore, but you can never take the Singapore out of me OK?????

Dun pray pray.

2011-08-06T19:03:00.004+08:00

Melt Down

I had to come back here, I couldn't pollute ChabanSheng's energetic, positive website with my dark and molten thoughts.

I'm not being a kid.

I'm not staying home and throwing a tantrum in order to get some attention from my parents.

I'm being a kid,

because I can't seem to figure these adult issues of life out.

I'm a kid,

because I still want to continue this path in life.

You won't and can't claim to understand,

and it's too cliche to repeat sob stories about how difficult it is being a singer.

But right now, I feel too inadequate.

Too inadequate to be around people,

to have people lower their living costs for me,

to have people whisper about their holiday plans and their expensive dreams around me...

I'd rather not be the party pooper,

or that wet blanket...

so I guess these days,

I'll stay home.

I'll bugger off.

And stay out of your lives,

so I can figure out mine.

I wrote this today,

I had nothing else to say...

"Lord, if you don't help me, no one else will do."

Gravity's got the sides of my lips down,

but my heart's still thumping and jumping with hope...

and trusting in the Father to keep me rooted and strong.

So tired of this world,

the grievances of others.

And the need to push away other people for these grievances to go away.

What became of us?

2011-08-05T15:19:00.002+08:00

Gain some, Lose some.

only it'll always feel like you lost a part of you,

a part that will never return,

and you have no choice but to keep pushing on because the only direction is forwards.

爱错

作词：王力宏/崔惟楷 作曲：王力宏 编曲：王力宏/吴庆隆

北风毫不留情
把叶子吹落
脆弱的它他选择的逃脱
叶子失去消息
风才感觉寂寞
整个冬天
北风的痛没人能说
我从来没想过
我会这样做
从来没爱过
所以爱错
我 从哪里起飞
从哪里降落
多少不能原谅的错却不能从来过
翻开回忆角落
完美的生活
以为幸福都可以掌握
仔细回味当初那个故事背后
喔 原来是我
犯下从没真的爱错
我从来没想过
我会这样做
从来没爱过 所以爱错
我 从那里起飞
从哪里降落
多少不能原谅的错却不能从来过...
在这伤了你的世界
喔...找不会那些感觉
其实我不想 到别
那些过去
我从来没想过
我会这样做
从来没爱过 (从来没有爱过那么认的)
我从那里起飞
从那里降落(降落)
多少不能原谅的错却不能从
从来没想过
我会这样做
从来没爱过(爱过)
所以爱错(所以爱错)
从那里起飞(爱错 爱错 爱错baby)
从那里降落
多少不能原谅的错
请你原谅我的爱错

2011-07-25T02:45:00.003+08:00

today's question is:

would i be happier if I was one of them "big voiced" singers?

or/

could i at the ripe ol age of 25+(yes. plus.) still be able to hone my voice into the big momma sort?

ARGH.

2011-07-23T02:09:00.002+08:00

Stuck between the now and the tomorrow.

You know things aren't looking so rosy when the guitar scabs on your finger tips have all fallen off.
The skin there is soft and... silky again.
It means, its time to self torture the scabs back.

Too much to command and conquer,
but there's so much going on that rest is as important.

Be still.
Rest.

Tomorrow we continue fighting!

2011-07-18T19:32:00.003+08:00

Stop this mr.TRAIN

Cannot suka suka buy new fleet of bus of trains then suka suka make everyone pay for them by fare hikes. It's like planning a dream wedding that you can't afford and telling all your attendees that they have to pay a certain amount apart from the congratulatory Ang Bao.

Fuel prices increase, fuel prices drop.
When they increase, you increase.
When they decrease, you remain.

it makes no sense.
Not fair to raise fare.

And who says those who voted for PAP have no right to voice out their opinions AGAINST PAP related issues?

Seriously, everyone needs a good brain freeze, or a good sleep for some fresh perspective.

And seriously, stop making us pay for YOUR future plans. YOUR future plans should bring you MORE commuters which SHOULD then PAY for your INVESTMENT.

It's not called an investment for nothing. Dear SMRT, right now... it's called EXTORTION.

Pek cek.

2011-07-07T23:19:00.001+08:00

The Reason Why

"I think about how it might have been .... We'd spend our days travelin...'"

2011-07-07T02:49:00.002+08:00

You really have to sacrifice so much to get so much more.

I've already lost quite a bit.

So I think... I'm almost there.

And I dropped a couple.

Not on purpose, is that considered a sacrifice?

Its nightfall again.

What will tomorrow bring?

Anticipation.

2011-07-06T01:23:00.002+08:00

Boggart

Unclick the wardrobe knob.

And *poof*

I see me.

I think of something happy,

its not something that might have happened...

instead I envision something good,

I'm positive..

I say the spell.

"Riddikulus."

But I'm still there.

2011-07-02T00:57:00.000+08:00

Such an idiot I am.

All this while, I thought I failed at the gift.

Turns out, I aced it.

Only to then...

Fail it.

Such an idiot I am.

2011-06-30T03:06:00.002+08:00

So exhausted.

我最近真的都在很努力的做每一件事。

I could fall on bed now and drift off into a deep sleep... but I have to write these down before the moment passes and these feelings leave. Not a letter to myself.. but a blog post.

From the moment the idea came in, to when it all happened tonight.

Nothing I expected, but it unexpectedly wonderful.

Meeting all these new faces, taking the first step to get to know them by name.

Meeting someone who had by chance stepped foot into Crazyworld and stayed back for our performance.

Talking more than I thought I would,

realising how hard I've been trying to be different, make a difference.

Realising that perhaps, after a long day of work... people really just want to be entertained.

They don't want to be preached to.

But I figure. That's who I am.

I'm preachy. Not peachy. But, preachy.

That's actually too holy a way to describe myself...

how about... NAGGY?

我很希望我们都能够... be from this world but not of this world.

Its a concept I'm still trying to grasp.

I did better on both the guitar and vocals during the sound check and without the presence of a mic. So that's something left to regret about...

But otherwise, I had a thought. An idea. Pushed it through.. and it really really took place.

For now, Hey you... goodnight.

*collapses and cries*

谁来擦泪扶起我？？？

Zzzzzzz....

2011-06-28T00:50:00.002+08:00

Seeing is misleading.

摸不着，猜不透。

人与人之间的距离，忽进忽远。

明天如何，真的没人知晓...

只能仰望创始者，

祈求他慢慢的让我们学会如何真的去爱惜身边的人...

和最真实，最软弱的自己。

这首歌，每次听...

都让我再次更理解自己。

我不想让你们靠得太近，

怕你们发现我自己都没发现的自我。

怕你们太靠近，看得太透明...

我想做我自己，

但又背负不起着无聊社会喜欢套在我头上和外表的一些嘲讽。

好多事情真的无绝对，

but we always want to think that we're right.

and that allows me to 在次打歌！如果有兴趣，请听听我们插班生的“标准答案”！

曲：林倛玉詞：楊佳盈

那天和你淋著雨我們無聲之中飄著
你像微風突然把手牽起了
心裡煙花綻放著卻無助地推開你了
不敢与你靠近与你疏離与你變回憶

對愛很防禦找出口結果還是到了盡頭

害怕給你我的心還是碎成五裂四分的心
怎麼會錯了時機錯了距離錯過了這感情
原來自欺欺人這顆心分開才明白已愛得癡迷
來不及你已離去痛得很徹底
終於明白遺憾的定義唱著這首歌曲
是否唱得太透明太透明

記得和你看著雨心裡反覆說著愛你
卻安靜地配合你理想的距離
愛得越精疲力盡越是顯得壯烈華麗
只要与你靠近与你抱緊只要擁有你

怎麼呵護你沒有線索全心全意還是錯

托付給你我的心結果碎成五裂四分的心
怎麼會錯了時機錯了距離錯過了這感情
原來自欺欺人這顆心分開才明白只是獨角戲
來不及你已離去痛得很徹底
終於明白心酸的定義唱著這首歌曲
是否唱得太透明太用力

如果再次給你我的心結果還是五裂四分了心
到底是錯了時機錯了距離可憐了這段感情
就算再次給你我的心能否換回一顆完整的心
來不及你已離去回不到過去
終於明白心寒的定義唱著這首歌曲
是否唱得太透明太透明

2011-06-22T00:46:00.001+08:00

帅爆。

2011-06-20T00:09:00.002+08:00

"Be who you can be but love your neighbour as yourself."
"Honor God and God will honor you. That's the only advice I can give you..."

It takes years to make your way up, and just a few days to slide all the way back down. But then you never give up, you never give up on yourself. Because God's grace is sufficient for me.

2011-06-09T19:07:00.001+08:00

Miki Suzuki - World Barista Championship No. 5

my new idol replied my fb message. Yes. WE TRY IT!
I am a fan girl.

2011-06-09T02:49:00.003+08:00

小孩很笨。

I'm desperate for answers and the search is futile.

Why can't I barre my chords properly?
Why make the grinds finer when the coffee beans are fresher?
Why make the grinds coarser when the coffee beans are older?
Why don't I know how to emit self-positrons anymore?

I think I know why I'm so desperate to get on a plane.
The child in me believes being closer to heaven means being closer to getting answers.

:)

On a separate note(desperate nonetheless.) Can someone tell me how I can take really intimate pictures of people on the train without offending them and risking getting mob thrashed in a moving carriage with no exit??? So many shutter itchy moments, but all ruined by something we call the paiseh/kiasee syndrome.

2011-06-08T03:15:00.003+08:00

"I think the word you're looking for is.. befuddled."
- Big Bang Theory Season 4.

I can never be in marketing. This stuff befuddles me.

2011-06-06T01:21:00.002+08:00

"Its about me, yah?"

Always on different pages, but looking from the same perspective.
Which is I, you, me.

How is it that we're so detrimental to the people around us just by being us.
And how is it, that God created us and "saw that it was good".

We're so ugly.
I can't even look at myself in the mirror.
Tear-streaked, loss for words...
until you no longer feel anything.
Your reflection begins to return a cold stare,
the tears disappear, the tensed up eyebrows relax...
you stare back... and you ask.

"who are you?"

"its me."

*lights out*

I try to speak up, but the words that come out always hit the end of the highway and come racing back to me twice the speed it was sent out, leaving me reeling in turmoil and feeling breathless.

Say - John Mayer
"Its better to say too much ... Then never say what you need to say again"

"Say"

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say [x8]

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only . . .

Say what you need to say [x8]

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say [x24]

2011-06-04T02:02:00.001+08:00

"Emotional intelligence (EI) is an ability, skill or, in the case of the trait EI model,
a self-perceived ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself,
of others, and of groups."
- Wikipedia

My only lack of EQ is that I can't really control the emotions of myself.
I think I do the others just fine.

2011-06-02T23:21:00.003+08:00

"Pause."

Don't Stop This Train "So scared of getting older I'm only good at being young..."

No I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind but...
I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly won't someone stop this train

Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

2011-06-02T22:09:00.005+08:00

My Rockstars

I have a secret wish, a secret dream...

I'm singing on stage, the crowd is singing along on the top of their voices...
the atmosphere is electrifying..
sweat beads streaking down my forehead..
my eyes sting from the contact with the salty beads of joy being released from my skin...

I'm jumping, a little out of rhythm because I'm going a little delirious...
its like an epiphany...
like being alive in a way you can't really ever remember or re-enact.

Its the music interlude,
I just finished a note that ends in a "Ahhhh..."
and the crowd screams for the musicians (or me.)

I throw myself (figuratively) into the raised arms of notes, beats and grooves...
and let it take me to whichever, wherever...
I turn and smile, and they smile back.
My two cousins.
We're making music together.

And our mothers are seated on the 3rd row, (cannot 1st row cause they shy.)
and they're actually smiling...
even though in my mother's head.. she's thinking "siao char bor..."
Their lips are pursed,
and no one else can see it except for us...
they're smiling.

What a great dream.
Oh, now its no secret.

Let's make it come true.

2011-06-01T20:02:00.003+08:00

"There's a weird sense of satisfaction and peace when you see people you really really like, get together with someone you believe is really really nice. I like to get drunk on that feeling."

- Me, 1st June 2011.

2011-05-26T23:47:00.002+08:00

I'm a 20 SOMETHING...

After years of expensive education
A car full of books and anticipation
I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot
But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought
Maybe I'll go traveling for a year
Finding myself, or start a career
I could work for the poor, though I'm hungry for fame
We all seem so different but we're just the same
Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat
Aren't things more easy, with a tight six pack
Who knows the answers, who do you trust
I can't even separate love from lust
Maybe I'll move back home and pay off my loans
Working nine to five, answering phones
But don't make me live for my Friday nights
Drinking eight pints and getting in fights
Don't wanna get up, just have a lie in
Leave me alone, I'm a twentysomething
Maybe I'll just fall in love
That could solve it all
Philosophers say that that's enough
There surely must be more
Love ain't the answer, nor is work
The truth eludes me so much it hurts
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me

2011-05-25T02:08:00.002+08:00

不是孤独，是...孤僻。
不服输，不想低头的孤立。

以前无知的以为自己被了解，
最近发觉，其实连我自己都不懂的我...
怎么还可以奢望其他人了解？

原来以前，是误以为被了解？
也不错，至少心里的牵挂的确感觉有人能分享。

＂梦，想去的地方...因为不变，所以...简单。＂

我不想长大，不想领悟大人世界裁米油盐的真实。

这扇窗，这扇门还是很希望能被敲开。

2011-05-23T03:48:00.002+08:00

This is a crazy, crazy world indeed.

Soh disturbed.

Companies like this, people like this, situations like this,
self-comparisons like this are good.

They can only spur me on want more for myself and to expect more,
and hopefully... to achieve more.

I really can't live on as such the kind of laid-back singer I am when such singers exist.

And yet, the simple basic fundamental bottom line is: That's not me.

This is a crazy, crazy world.

But it's a world where everyone has a fighting chance.

Oh man.
Oh man.
Oh man.

2011-05-19T04:16:00.003+08:00

别，离。

"如果有，就让你自由。"

温柔
词／曲：阿信

走在风中今天阳光
突然好温柔天的温柔地的温柔
像你抱着我然后发现你的改变
孤单的今后如果冷该怎么渡过天边风光身边的我
都不在你眼中你的眼中藏着什么
我从来都不懂没有关系你的世界
就让你拥有不打扰是我的温柔不知道不明了不想要为什么我的心明明是想靠近
却孤单到黎明不知道不明了不想要为什么我的心那爱情的绮丽
总是在孤单里
再把我的最好的爱给你不知不觉不情不愿
又到巷子口我没有哭也没有笑
因为这是梦没有预兆没有理由
你真的有说过如果有就让你自由我给你自由
我给你自由
我给你自由
我给你自由
我给你全部全部全部全部自由喔......
这是我的温柔这是我的温柔还你你的自由还你你的自由不知道不明了不想要为什么我的心明明是想靠近
却孤单到黎明不知道不明了不想要为什么我的心那爱情的绮丽
总是在孤单里
再把我的最好的爱给你不知不觉不情不愿
又到巷子口我没有哭也没有笑
因为这是梦没有预兆没有理由
你真的有说过如果有就让你自由自由这是我的温柔这是我的温柔这是我的温柔这是我的温柔就让你自由

" 若我想抱你要怎么到达 "

早开的晚霞

词：易家扬
曲：李偲菘

天要黑了吗要告别了吗
能不能多留一下别管那晚霞
反正我比你更熟悉那黑暗
没有你陪我也得回家

你不舍得吗你会想念吗
如果想到我会哭你会心疼吗
有谁来教我忘记你的方法
你的笑啊和你的泪啊还有血红的晚霞

所谓的宽容坚强我做不到啊
往后的寂寞年华怎么去消化
我没有给你翅膀你为什么要飞翔
剩我一个人听他们劝我你在天堂

不安的手掌撒娇的模样
你像个天使一样那么会歌唱
奇怪我最近关于你的印象
你的笑啊和你的泪啊都好像还没长大

所谓的宽容坚强我做不到啊
往后的寂寞年华怎么去消化
我没有给你翅膀你为什么要飞翔
剩我一个人在回忆蹒跚

天会亮也会暗
心会跳会死亡
那时候的晚霞
才能算开得正好

晚谢的我的黑发在哪里落下
早开的你的夕阳美得不像话
好端端在我摇篮流浪到什么天堂
若我想抱你要怎么到达

所谓的宽容坚强我做不到啊
往后的寂寞年华怎么去消化
我没有给你翅膀你为什么要飞翔
剩我一个人在回忆蹒跚

2011-05-17T23:33:00.003+08:00

I don't feel so well...

I've been binge eating really healthy snacks.
But I still feel like there's a ton of bricks in my head,
and a gallon of slime in my breathing trachea.

And my ears feel like they're at an altitude above mt fuji level.

I want to sleep it off and wake up within the next 8 hrs to continue working hard on my "self-enhancement" programme. But reality will hit me, hard...when I wake up... 12 hrs later.

howwwwww...

18th May, Wednesday 3:06pm:
the aforementioned came true. *beats self with a chair*

2011-05-11T19:17:00.002+08:00

我的心，她很烦。

慢慢的一字一句深刻的了解，痛心的体会。
渐渐的明白.... 故事, 都一样。
只是,
时间，
地点，
角色的不同。

那么多人在说话。
我却只想在人群里，找到一个属于自己的安静角落。
又不孤单，又不被打扰。

不想去理解或谅解，
不想去认识或认同。
不想去原谅，不想不去原谅。

理由和借口之间...
是一条若隐若现的距离。

头脑，你就别在和心纠缠了好吗。
主人累了，病了。
想好好的休息一下...
别烦了！

自然醒

散步纽约街头快要吻的时候
闪耀你唇上的温柔怎么忽然变成电钻钻头
一楼四楼七楼 stereo大合奏
成年以来一直睡不够
干嘛休假楼上总有人装修

一觉~~睡到自然醒过来
不管这个胡闹时代到底有多坏
只想在潜意识第六层内
没有心情不出来

说来~~这个事情也奇怪
只要三步之内有你在
我拳头就放开睡得像小孩

有人按错门铃有人打错电话
有人制造喧哗的八卦
麻烦大家让我静一下好吗

一觉~~睡到自然醒过来
不管这个胡闹时代到底有多坏
只想在潜意识第六层内
没有心情不出来

说来~~这个事情也奇怪
只要三步之内有你在
我拳头就放开睡得像小孩

一觉~~睡到自然醒过来
不管这个胡闹时代到底有多坏
世界变得再快是非成败
一旦抱你入怀置身事外

一觉~~睡到自然醒过来
不管这个胡闹时代到底有多坏
只想在潜意识第六层内
没有心情不出来

说来~~这个事情也奇怪
只要三步之内有你在
防护罩就张开睡得像小孩~~

最近睡得很坏
最好你搬过来

2011-05-04T23:34:00.003+08:00

来。自。you。

听了很难过的一首歌，
也没什么特别的理由，但理由总是多。
不自由的理由。
想逃脱的理由。
不痛不痒，
但还是抵挡不了空虚感的侵略。
就像灵魂出窍一样，站在角落头，
看着自己的空壳四处张望，
渴望，寻求着一种目标，一种解脱，
一种自由？

但自由对你，对我。
很不同。
今天我的自由，将会是你的不自由。

我们困在一场人愚人越愚人的状态。
我不知道你要什么，
你也不知到我想什么。
但只有懂得继续漫游人生。
最后的目标...
可能最是彼此得到谅解，得到解脱，因此而得到自由吧。

常常幻想着逃离。
现在也一样。

想逃离现在的我，
逃离身边的你们，
只因从摩天沦上面看到下面美丽的风景。
但真的爬下去，
可能会跌个分身碎骨。

真是美妙人生啊。
如此难以取舍，难以捉摸。
永远处于满足却不满足，
自由，却想逃脱，
渴望却又害怕得到的心情。
太～美～秒～了～

这首歌，真的让我好难过，却又好...alive.
因为我会痛，
我知道...我是独特的我。
我知道，i still feel enough to want to fight for the abstract concept of 自由。

林宥嘉－想自由

想自由

曲：鄭楠　詞：姚若龍

每個人都缺乏什麼
我們才會瞬間就不快樂
單純很難　包袱很多
已經很勇敢　還是難過

許多事情都有選擇
只是往往事後我才懂得
情緒很煩　說話很衝
人和人的溝通　有時候沒有用

或許只有妳　懂得我
所以妳沒逃脫
一邊在淚流　一邊緊抱我
小聲地說　多麼愛我

只有妳　懂得我
就像被困住的野獸
在摩天大樓　渴求　自由

一路嗅著追著美夢
爬上屋頂意外跌得好重
不覺得痛　是覺得空
城市的幻影　有千百種

就算愛也會變冷的
可是現在抱的妳是暖的
我不曉得　我不捨得
為將來的難測　就放棄這一刻

2011-05-02T23:21:00.002+08:00

Dreams

for a future...

while out on a labour day picnic with the kids on the beach. Holding their hands, having conversations with them, discussing about politics with Ethan, humming a song with Jayden, going hyper with Ian, picking stones with Christian... this song kept ringing non-stop in my head.

给小孩

2011-04-27T00:28:00.002+08:00

晚安

" 让所有听不见的呐喊，
随着黑夜一起... 埋葬。"

"梦，想去的地方,
因为不变所以... 简单。”

一句："一起努力"
我一直都没忘记。

我今天有点迷失了，
一直不停的追赶，
但只知道不能停歇，
但不知到自己到底在拼什么。

你们是否也如此？

2011-04-26T21:28:00.002+08:00

Coffee overdose

"I drank more coffee today than the total amount I drank last year."

I CAN'T THINK IN LOWERCASE.
IN MY MIND, ALL MY THOUGHTS ARE IN CAPS.
I HAVE WORK TO DO,
AND I CAN BARELY CONCENTRATE OR FOCUS ON ONE THOUGHT AT A TIME.

PLUS MY FINGERS ARE SHIVERY.

THIS REMINDS ME OF MONICA AFTER OUR FINAL PAPER IN YEAR 4.
BACK THEN SHE DIDN'T SLEEP FOR TWO DAYS AND HAD THREE CANS OF RED BULL.

I AM OVER STIMULATED.
BY COFFEE LAR.

2011-04-26T01:28:00.004+08:00

妹妹，别急。

慢慢说，什么事情都好商量。

Look, we all make mistakes.
At different points in life, we all judge... too quickly.
A switch flips, and before you know it, evil has been done.

What's worse, is that evil spreads like wild fire.

Let's all agree to disagree.
Don't be afraid to state your opinion or speak your mind...
but when people express otherwise,
or when they result to cheap insults because of the lack of a credible counter argument...
Please, please, please don't follow suit.

Please live and let live.
Please practice the grace that this person has clearly displayed the lack off.

This cycle has to stop.
The social media is powerful,
but it is also misleading.
160 character limits.
You only read headlines,
you only experience part of the story,
you only see a part of the picture.
And you draw a conclusion.

Don't.
Please don't.
The last thing we need, is angry netizens...

I have a point to make.
I'm not savvy when it comes to politics,
or how to govern a country.
I only know that hard, cold policies aside...
a little understanding and grace can go a long long way.

The GE can either unite us,
or divide us.
And at this point, I only see the division growing wider.
The poor are still getting poorer.
The needy, needier.
Who really cares about the next ten years,
when tomorrow is unclear?

Call me short-sighted.
But if the opposition, and the PAP....
set aside all their differences,
and for one day, left their political brains in the freezer at home,
and their mouthpieces on the dressing table...
and just did something as simple,
as watching "881 The Musical" together...
Singapore will have another century of brilliance.

If only.

Dear PAP,
dear Opposition parties....
I don't speak your lingo.
I only know how to sing,
and at the moment I'm really interested in coffee brewing.
But, perhaps if I could invite you all to my house.
Sing you a song, and have you drink a cup of coffee brewed by me...
maybe then we could have a hearty discussion?
And build a better tomorrow?

If the two sides are divided by opposing ideals.
Don't forget that you are united in your duty to this One country called Singapore.

Honestly, quite disheartened at the moment.

Chee Soon Juan spoke really well.

2011-04-23T03:34:00.004+08:00

Before the curtain falls.

The theme songs of our generation.
The soundtrack of our life.
The dialogue.
The pauses.
Synchronised.
Separate.
Lights in.
Lights out.

Fools, in a foolish game.
Digging for gold, for that one moment that changes everything.
And yet, every failed moment is but another chapter in our musical...
a chapter for us to savour,
the musicality of our thoughts,
the lyrical hypocrisy of our desires,
the hesitant pauses of our heartbeats,
the synchronized flutter of eyelids in the waking of realizations,
the steps that are out of pace,
the world that blanks out from your eyes when the truth hits,
the light that returns when truth persists.

The amplified,
the muted.

The silent motivations that get you through each beat,
those the others can't see,
that you need to take you through from scene 1 to scene 2.
The invisible strings that keep your limbs in movement.
At one point, when the music reaches a climax, and you run forwards..
towards the edge of the stage, ready to plunge.
Ready to give up the bright lights and the attention,
you stop.

You reel backwards.
And you continue.
Act by act.
Scene by scene.
Line by line.

And at last, before the curtain falls.
The applause, like music to your ears.

Before it all goes dark,
and then its just you,
your room.
And your silent breathing.

愚人的国度－孙燕姿

词：孙燕姿;李焯雄
曲：李偲菘
编曲：Terence Teo

爱是愚人的国度
看我们演的好辛苦
是你所谓的领悟
我不懂我不哭

看悲欢喜怒每一步
是疲惫还是依赖的束缚
来你能不能再重复
让我懂让我哭

再让时间停住
把自己看清楚
不必再说假如
我穿过一地荒芜
幸福不能碰触

爱是愚人的国度
不能自拔不懂退出
我们都回不去最初
曾美丽但还是不满足
爱是自愚愚人演出
答案清楚才能谢幕
剧情是笑是哭

我们都回不去最初
怎么爱还是不满足
爱是自愚愚人演出
答案清楚才能谢幕
结局是笑是哭

2011-04-15T03:40:00.003+08:00

My new crush

Move to the backstreet, backstreet boys.
Take that, Take that.
Go back to Ireland, Westlife.
I've got a new love, and they're called... The Altar Boyz

Sexy! Cheesy! Holy!

What's there not to like?!?!?!?!??!!?

*screams girlish fan girl screams*

We are the Altar Boyz

ok i really should sleep.
spent the last hour finding a better version of this video to no avail. Sigh...

2011-04-13T16:05:00.002+08:00

Still

In adversities,
when being embroiled in the middle of what seems
like a storm caused by inconsequential dust in the air,
of murmurs and whispers,
of good intentions that pave the way to... the haunted forest.

Be still.
And wait,
don't thrash about,
or attempt to escape the situation,
don't turn around to leave in a haste,
just... be still.

And know, that you are God above it all.

Everything happens for a reason.
Its true.
Even if it is to teach us a lesson,
or open our eyes to see something else about a thing or a person.

Be still,
and watch as it passes by you.
And take notes.

Despite the little storm that was kicked up within me,
I'm glad that God sent two angels to sit through the afternoon with me.
To calm the storm,
to just... be still and chat about everything else while waiting for the waves within to settle.

A toast to timely arrivals!
And great friendship!

Praying hard for a better tomorrow for all of us.

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You above the storm
Father You are king over the flood
I will be still and know You are God

2011-04-09T00:55:00.005+08:00

我不是那个我。

可能，再自己不知不觉中...就已经成就了自己承诺最不想发生的事情。
可能，我已经不知不觉的迷糊了焦点，遗失了自己。

看到好多艺人，不完全因为才华出众而有出头天...
自己想想，觉得应该加快脚步努力跟再他们的后面。
他们做什么，我也要做到。
不能 lose out.

但问题来了。
他们做得潇洒，做得自然，我....
就只会缩在一旁，幻想自己就是如此。
努力的去设法让自己的”梦想”比较能够有出头天的机会。

我不是那个我。
我就是我。

可能，我已经不小心的遗失了自己，
trying too hard in the areas that are not what he equipped me with.
因此也伤害了身边的人。

但如何取舍？
我还真的搞不懂。

我不想伤害任何人，
更不想为了达到自己的梦想而无奈了别人。
对不起。

我真的不是这样的。
但自己到底是怎么样的艺人...
我到现在还是不太搞得懂。

我已经是最不艺人的艺人了。

我是个想要装得很艺人的表演者。
我是个想装得自己很成功得平民老百姓。

我们也都只不过是如此。

虽然现在心情有些低落...
但却又觉得...自己好想已经碰到了一个“出头天”。
在自己脑海里开了一个看得到清晰蓝空的“天窗”。

阿信。你的词真的很贴切。谢了。晚安。

明天，再接再厉。

Absolutely Zero - Jason Mraz

You. You were a friend. You were a friend of mine I let you spend the night
You see how it was my fault. Of course it was mine.
I'm too hard at work. Have you ever heard of anything so absurd,
ever in your life.
I'm sorry for wasting your time.

Who am I to say this situation isn't great when it's my job to make the most of it?
of course i didn't know that it would happen to me. Not that easy.

Hey what's that you say? You're not blaming me for anything that's great
But I don't break that easy. Does it fade away?
So that's why I'm apologizing now, for telling you I thought that we could make it
I just don't get enough to believe that we've both changed.

see, who am I to say this situation isn't great? It's my time to make the most of it
of course i didn't know that this would happen to me, not that easy, no, no, no, no

If all along the fault is up for grabs why can't you have it?
If it's for sale what is your offer, I'll sell it for no less than what I bought it for
Pay no more than absolutely zero.

Well neither one of us deserves the blame because opportunities moved us away
And it's not an easy thing to learn to play, a game that's made for two that's you and me
The rules remain a mystery. Easy. Its hardly easy

So Who am I to say this situation isn't great? well It's our time to make the most of it
How could we ever know that this would happen to me, not that easy, no, no
When All along the fault is up for grabs and there you have it
Well it's for sale go make your offer, i will sell it for no less than what I bought it for
Pay no more than absolutely zero.

2011-04-05T14:30:00.002+08:00

Its like chicken and egg

We're not invincible, we're in fact the direct opposite of that. Charlie Sheen's 'tiger blood' claims are as ridiculous as elephants in boots. For lack of a better analogy.

How is it that wrong things are always being said, and wrong things are always being heard. Why is it that intentions never seem to hold true to the eventual retention of things. When one cracks a joke, and another is offended, is the joke then, still a joke?

A joke gone wrong. Still a joke?

A love misplaced, still love?

Something's not right, but changing the circumstance isn't necessarily going to change a thing.
As much as circumstances trap us and affect our every mood and swing, changing the surroundings only bring about a change that lasts for as long as that surrounding remains unchanged and in the climate that we assuming-ly dwell best in.

Its true.

What needs to be change is something that runs deeper that just the exterior factors.
Its me. Its you.

I'm done pushing the blame to the people and the things around me.
Take responsibility for my own actions, for my own lies, for my own life.

I don't want to be unhappy.
I'd rather be bipolar.
At least the happy periods are deliriously happy.
That's a thought.

Dysfunctional is the new normal it seems.
I don't have to be dysfunctional to be normal.

I just want to be useful,
to love, to be loved,
to be able to create a ripple or two in this huge ocean we swim in.

This is not a conclusion, this is a release.

2011-04-04T03:34:00.002+08:00

Ask the right questions.

Its not
"why not me?"
"why am I here and not there?"

but
"how do I make sure its me?"
"How do I get there?"

Asking why won't get you anywhere.
Asking how leads to an action plan that MIGHT get you somewhere.

Its always time to kick ass.
So kick it!

2011-03-14T13:20:00.002+08:00

Dear Friends,

albums are meant to be bought and not received for free. Unless of course, you have your name under the credits or have contributed sums of money to making the dream come true(think: sponsors). Then again, the irony is that those with their names inside the album sleeve, usually buy their own copy and don't expect to be given one because they know how much effort was put into the seemingly innocent piece of thing.

If you have a friend today who has released an album, make sure you buy one today! Because, its not everyday that you have friends who have such achievements.

Regards,
Me. :)

2011-03-11T12:01:00.002+08:00

Freeeaaaking Funny Peggy.

Every thursday or Friday, the social networks get flooded with zealously passionate declarations of everyone's love for Friday. I've never felt it that strongly because I don't hold a Mon to Fri job in the office and there are days I wake up thinking its the weekend already when really, its only tuesday.

Until Colin, the frontman of King Kong Jane asked me if I could share on video what Friday's are to me! That was when I realised.....

when I realised...

when I realised...

OK. stay tune for the video for my realisation and head down to HMV to get King Kong Jane's debut album "Waiting for Friday" TODAY, on FRIDAY!

2011-03-09T02:44:00.005+08:00

香格里拉的眼泪

眼泪，应该没办法流干的吧。

If you need help, then come and get it.
If you need a hug, then come and take it.
天下没有免费的午餐。
Success is for the go-getters.

原来有时“我们”人类（就我吧。）妄想得到的，莫非就是很简单的一个拥抱。
但是，我们贪心，想要被理解，被体凉，被守护，被重视...
心里面却也知道，这一切可能也真的是too much to ask for.

然而，到头来...哭哭啼啼...大吵大闹...
以为失去了方向感，以为一生白活的时候...
一个简单的拥抱，几句简单的问候，
一双可以依靠一分钟的肩膀...
原来比起一万个绝种的万能草药来得有效。
原来一切的风风雨雨，可以迎刃而解。

原来我们需要的就那么简单，
但却为了面子，为了自尊用一大堆的原则，的大道理
来掩饰这一切。

问题来了。
我们愿不愿意。
愿不愿意踏出多一步？
if it will make that silly difference to that silly somebody.
if being silly, will make someone silly happy.

拚了命的努力向前迈进，却不被理解。
我们都是这样，不是吗？
没有谁比谁好，没有谁的努力不算努力。

香格里拉在哪里？
如果，就是在这里呢？
就环绕在你我周围。
这，就是属于我们的香格里拉。

我，坚信。
Hope lifts us up.
It is the reason we open our eyes in the morning.
That life is worth living for.
What is life, without hope?
Hope of a 香格里拉... in our time. :)

歌曲：香格里拉
歌手：黄玠&娃娃
词：黄玠　曲：黄玠
编曲：黄玠　制作：黄小楨

我以为认真去做就能实现我的梦
以为写首好歌走路就能抬起头
以为骑摩托车旅行就能变英雄
现在的我失去了冲动
有才华的人唾弃金光闪闪的奖座
亲爱的Cobain 是否也曾爱慕虚荣
希望有人冲破疑惑带我向前走
现在的我变得好懦弱
雨会下雨会停这是不变的道理
夜空中北极星迷路的人不恐惧
我唱歌你在听一切风平又浪静
几和弦的根音抚平脆弱的心灵
我只想牵着你走到很远的梦里
小木屋红屋顶地址是一个秘密
你抱着小猫咪蓝眼睛不再忧郁
香格里拉让我们去找寻
香格里拉在哪里让我们去找寻

2011-02-25T03:21:00.003+08:00

iShare - the iphone app someone needs to invent.

I can share when prompted.
But I'm not so good with self expression.
Especially when its something about me... especially so when its something sad, or something bad.

Thank God for technology and friends.
For being able to let out snippets of my troubles,
and for having people who don't seem to grow tired of my whims and complaints,
who still after so many years, promptly drop me an sms (that i sometimes don't reply...)
asking me if everything is alright.

No everything isn't alright.
But, that's alright.

You know, its not the strong who will pick up the weak when they fall.
Neither is it the rich who will share the wealth with the poor.

Its weird, often the most generous people, are the ones who don't have all the wealth in the world. They are the ones who scrimp and save on every cent spent on themselves, but hardly blink on the hundreds and thousands spent on others.

My mother is one of them.
She is a wonderful wonderful person.

She might not have all the wealth or all the health in the world at the moment, but I know.. no. I'm sure... there's so much in store for her elsewhere. God loves a cheerful giver.

Oh but really, what I wanted to say. Is that its ok to tell a fellow weakling "be strong!". Giving encouragement and telling someone else to keep their chins up when yours is down doesn't make you a hypocrite. It makes you real. You're in a bad situation as well, and that means.. you have empathy. You can actually honestly say you know a little of what the other person is going through... and who better a candidate than you to tell that person, with a pat on the back.. "to soldier on and never give up."

Your fellow weakling, bruised and hurt from the tortures of the world will look up, and see...
not a fellow human being in shining armour of gold and emerald, but an equal, who is speaking from his own sorrows and hurt but still having enough courage to share some with you.

I think that's cool shit.

Thank you boys and girls for all your cool shits.
We're all bruised in someway, hurt in some other...
but that's what makes us so beautiful. Eh?

:) Goodnight and God Bless.

Let me leave you with the amazing song which I fell in love with the first time I heard it. I double fell in love with it upon hearing his live acoustic version. I'm not sure I've shared this before. But ah heckitpeanutbutterwhateverdoesnotmatter, I'm just going to (re)share it anyway. This version is heckitpeanutbutterwhateverdoesnotmatterblardeegood. John Mayer rocks socks.
cheesy to say... "I want to marry you John Mayer!" ??? How about "I want to marry your guitar skills and voice John Mayer!" ???

John Mayer - Daughters (Live in LA)

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls are continually changed
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe it's got nothing to do with me

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Oh, you see that skin?
It's the same she's been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now I'm left
Cleaning up the mess he made

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Boys, you can break
You'll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on
But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the guide and the weight of her world

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too [x3]

2011-02-24T23:07:00.004+08:00

如果有一天，
你对我说明天你就要离开，
告诉我，
一定要找一份正当得职业，不要再唱歌了。
说我一定要好好做人，好好得照顾家人，
好好的做你心目中的乖女儿...

我想，我会很难过。
不想你离开，
不想你对我感到失望，
但又不想放弃那么努力去争取的一切“不正当”的美丽。

所以，请你一定要...
好好做个开心人。

我现在心情很无奈。
好想大哭一场。

大哭不是因为懦弱，
是因为我生命力很强。

滚石老板说过：“One thing at a time"
Yes, One thing at a time.

God won't give us anymore than we can handle.

2011-02-21T04:12:00.003+08:00

Dry Spell.

I now know why its called Brainstorm.

Just like how you only know how good life is, when you no longer have it.

How you only know how near near is, when you've gone too far.

And how you know love is like, when you've lost it.

Similarly.

I now know why its called Brainstorm...
when I'm having a Brain Drought.

Dear Universe, rain down some ideas on me.

2011-02-12T02:36:00.003+08:00

just a job now.

no.
no.
no.

the devil will not take this away.

2011-02-04T17:12:00.003+08:00

Love, New Year

Cooped up at home on the second day of CNY, feeling listless and unable to get down to doing any proper work. I am such a restless child. Home is wonderful, but whenever I find myself in the comfort of home, all I want to do is get outside.

Finally, spoke aloud to myself while drawing circles on the floor with my feet.
"Ok, I can do this."

Turned the ipod on. And proceeded to begin on the translation job...

The first song the ipod played was this:

Love, New Year by 张悬（“主流边缘歌手”）

詞曲/張懸

讓淚掉下來然後轉頭
把話說出口然後緊擁
於時間的長廊上你再也不等我

讓淚掉下來然後轉頭
把話說出口我們錯過
任好壞開花結果

整個世紀末人們都曾聽說
關於那個角落裡的故事
山河並肩坐著各自聆聽幸福的聲音

我是瘋狂的, 而你慈悲

我是綻放的. 你是玫瑰

Happy new year
Happy new year
Happy new year
Happy happy new year

我們的理想國

Happy new year
Happy new year
Happy new year

Happy happy new year 我們的理想國

and then the second song came on, and I confirmed my suspicions that this ipod is bewitched and is sending me a New Year greeting of some sort. (And also, chiding me for not doing any spring cleaning...)

打扫 by 两个女生

So with that, Happy New Year to all of you. :)
Be the best you can be today.
Let Tomorrow worry about itself.

2011-02-02T17:14:00.001+08:00

2011-01-29T02:52:00.002+08:00

台湾龙卷风

这几天有点旋风来袭的感觉。
但一切都很美好，很受保护，受眷顾的感觉。
这次不算什么，但也算的上是我们期待已久的一次机会。
所以，更需要交托，放轻松的去体验着一切的一切。

现在的我，很累，很累，
很开心，很开心。

这几天真的忙碌得很，
所以....来吧！

I'm ready!

and..

不要停，不能停！

2011-01-27T06:11:00.002+08:00

Catch me if you can(YOU CAN, and you will.)

是应该睡觉的。
但想要在步入tomorrow之前写一点什么。
什么，什么，什么。

现在的心情平淡中带点感激。
我不停的在努力的做些什么，
有时候放在自己身上的压力，
其实也会连累到身边的人。

以前，有话直说，
想要直说的话，
那时也不多。

我台下是个非常木纳的人。
好听的话也不太会讲...

现在，发现...
话不可以乱讲，食物不可以乱吃，朋友...也不可以烂交！！！
哈哈！

但也发现，人生大道理，几乎天天都在改变。
是个残酷的捉迷藏游戏。
现在你是catcher，
努力的跑跑跑，追追追，为了什么？
为了“传宗接代”让自己沦为被追的那个。

两个角色都好累，
但也都很好玩。

我每天reflect，
每天学习，每天悔改。
明天又发现，这里不对，那里不对，
又让自己努力的去更改，去接受。

今天的伤痛，
让明天的我更小心。
今天的小心，
让明天的我更脱离。
今天的脱离，
让我忘了自己。

跑来跑去，追你追我，忙上忙下。
游戏规则只有一个，
不能退出着游戏。

ok, chope, chope, chope.
我们小时候玩累了，又不肯认输的时候就会这样说。

chope ah.
因为，我要去睡觉了。

Sorry Monica, I'm back to prose writing. ;P

2011-01-25T01:50:00.002+08:00

迪迪迪～不见了。

So sure I am lost.

"I'm lost."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

There's something pleasant and calming about being sure you are where you think you are.
Even if its being sure that you are lost.

I looked into your eyes.
And there was no warmth.
Nothing to keep me there.

I searched deep in your voice.
And there was no tune,
nothing to hold me there.

Doing something for someone,
without that someone wanting me to do that something.
Is that still then considered doing something?
Or is it nothing in the end?

Turns out,
I was alone all along.
Everything I did,
I did for myself.

Where's the joy in that.

But where's the joy in this?

Everyone has a hidden agenda,
a hidden purpose,
hidden schemes to protect the ones we love,
unsaid words,
unprofessed love,
a higher calling,
waiting for that one epic chance,
to be that final one who stands by you.

We want to be the last one laughing.
The one to say "I told you so."

Keep the faith.
You had it, so keep it.
Why let it falter so easily,
and then go ahead and allow it to ruin a perfect night.
To ruin the moods of so many people concerned.
To hurt,
and in turn,
hurt.

I am but a foolish soul.
Seeking, but not finding.
I am lost.

And that's where I am.

2011-01-24T17:43:00.001+08:00

Are you feeling it?

Pulling you downwards,
keeping your feet on ground.

Gravity - Sara Bareilles

抛物线 - Tanya Chua

2011-01-23T14:14:00.003+08:00

How do you become so good at what you do,
that even the technical glitches don't get to you.
Because there's bound to be tons of uncertainties,
and really, there's no point in pointing fingers because that's just mean and doesn't change a thing.

So how do we become steady bom pee pee?

We've gotta be!

2011-01-20T17:08:00.003+08:00

I have to be responsible for myself.

My own actions.
My own body.
My own life.
My own emotions.

And work around it,
learn the ropes of it.
Find the knobs,
and tweak the settings as and when I require so.

Breathe.

Like my mum,
I have the need to scold, to nag, to get what needs to be said off my chest.
When often, what you need to get off your chest,
might not really be what people want to hear.
And when people don't want to hear what you have to say,
even if the intentions are good...
you start to wonder if there's anyway you can learn to be more nonchalent,
more relaxed, without just becoming patronising.

Maybe my mum has tried that for years and failed.
That's why when I fall sick, and have to see the doctor...
I don't tell her.
Unless I really have to.

What happens when this is how you tick,
and you know it, and want to do something about it,
but the hands on the clock don't turn back and can't move in any other way except in that clockwork fashion that you were built to turn???

Accept the consequences of who you are,
or continue to try and not be.

To be or not to be, is the question.

AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! 我是气到！！！！
BUT!!!! 我不想的！！！！！

2011-01-16T15:38:00.002+08:00

Rant

Because we all need an outlet.
A sleepy night at home with planned simple fare dinner with mum followed by an early night's rest with a book in lap ended up being drama at the hospital and a night of "being there" for the people who have been there for me throughout my life.

Home in bed, ended up with request to not be home in bed.
The night ended with me waking up from my 15 minute lapses into sub-reality and unable to return feeling guilty and "not-enough".

Woke up late for church and already starting to wonder what in the world is wrong with me but decided that time could not be spent crying over spilled milk, made it in time for the macs breakfast and headed out on a joy bus ride in this splendid weather in splendid spirits.

Took a bus ride back, feeling less joyful and in less splendid spirits, again wondering what in the world is wrong with me but decided that time could not be spent crying over spilled milk as I always do and met up with 2 church friends for lunch. (Actually, they accompanied me for lunch.)

We talked about life, about health, about dementia and about Parkinson's. Such real problems, right at our doorsteps. Sitting in front of me, the most faithful person I've grown to love, struggling with these issues everyday at home with her mum and still being there for me. And me, seated opposite her, mouth full of rice and being caught up in my own problems which really shouldn't be in the first place.

The world is full of so many unhappy people. Why.
The people who have the right to rant, who have the need to mope and scowl, are the ones giving people like me a pat on the back and cheering me up, and being there for me at my every show.

How can.

How can.

Can anyone tell me?

How can.

How can I sit here on my mum's bed, with a scowl on my face, with a small tear on my heart, with longing and dejection, drowsy and wanting to escape into sub-reality even though I had 8 hours of sleep last night.

How can I not be feeling geared up and ready to work on the script and being productive and earning the money I often lament having the lack off?

How can I not be getting my act together?

How can?

Who's to save me from my own inadequacies?

好想要揮霍

詞陳綺貞曲盧廣仲

我穿戴整齊面對瘋狂的
世界不管今天
面對誰微笑是必須
就算妳不在意我微笑的原因
是我僅有的自信

我慌亂面對你轉身離開
不管未來快樂是不是
我的必須品
我只能再一次安靜作好準備
妳下一次出現

總在午夜夢醒家徒四壁
是甚麼包圍空虛
好想把我的全部都給你
一個人多平凡的期許
總在人潮散去瞬間覺醒
全身力氣得不到安寧
從不曾揮霍好想要揮霍
好讓明天繼續

我慌亂面對你轉身離開
不管未來快樂是不是
我的必須品
也許早已否定我所有的努力
愛已不會降臨

Baby,午夜夢醒家徒四壁
是甚麼包圍空虛
好想把我的全部都給你
一個人多平凡的期許
總在人潮散去瞬間覺醒
全身力氣得不到安寧
從不曾揮霍好想要揮霍
好讓明天繼續

我要的生活只有那麼一種
卻無法一個人點滴的過
直到今天還不能放開昨天的手
誰來救我

午夜夢醒家徒四壁
再沒有甚麼包圍空虛
好想把我的全部都給你
兩個人彼此間的必須
總在人潮散去瞬間覺醒
全身力氣得不到片刻安寧
從不曾揮霍好想要揮霍
好讓快樂繼續

從不曾揮霍好想要揮霍
沒有甚麼是必需

2011-01-15T19:04:00.002+08:00

“我们不是音乐之家...”

错。我们是。
从小听着爸爸弹着吉他，哼哼唱唱....从小跟着哥哥听音乐，做他一号听众。
从小我就很喜欢大舞台，别的小孩会惊慌，我不会。
我害怕，可是我的害怕是来自于兴奋的心情。
这个...从小很多大人都会摸摸我的头，一边说我是“小辣椒”，一边说我以后一定是演员或主持。

从来不觉得自己很行，读书也不厉害，唱歌弹琴也不比大我五岁的哥哥来得强。
就唯有在台上的搞笑和爱演戏有强过我哥哥。
所以，从小就以为自己比别人不一样，比别人厉害的，应该就是演戏了。

最近发觉，其实性杨也太会演了吧！才很感恩的告诉上帝，“谢谢你给我唱歌的机会。”

唱歌他给了我目标，给了我力量，
给了我一条虽然艰辛但至少能够很自豪的说“这时我道路”的人生走道。

我只是有些后悔，小的时候没有更早的发现属于自己的一些才华。

If you're good at something, you only have to put in 50% to be a master in it.
But if you're not, you'll have to put in more than a 100%.

所以能够帮忙我们这一代的小孩子找出自己的特点，自己的兴趣，自己的才华，
他们很快就能够青出于蓝，变成像我今天下午在电视上看到的 “Junior Masterchef" 一样。

真他妈的厉害...（对不起，偶尔粗话也有他expressive的效果)

我还是很后悔，小的时候，妈妈不让我打鼓，硬要我学我永远都无法弹得比哥哥强得钢琴。
我现在想学，learning curve 已经变exponential 了。年级越大，学东西真的就越慢。

Despite all the odds.
Its never too late.. 所以我要很努力的去学好这些我有feel 的才华和能够让我成为更强的”武器“。

2011-01-14T01:01:00.003+08:00

Domestic Goddess, not.

Came home to domestic chores and sat down with no energy for anything else but to type on line on the blog and to proceed watching American dramas. And its still a pig sty, with a little less grime. :/

Everywhere I look, I see tons of items that mean something to me.
A book not read, a box unopened, bags waiting to be filled, bags waiting to be cleared of stuff that have been in there for more than a year, books I read that I believe one day I will read again, CDs that are just collecting dust, books, notebooks, books, textbooks... things I'm unwilling to throw away. Perhaps you can tell a person by her room.

Decadent.

2011-01-12T13:39:00.003+08:00

遗憾

I dropped back into that crevice.
Feels a little like those two weeks where everything seemed so unreachable.
And I don't really know how to tell, or who to tell.

I just haven't got it in me to accept and listen to everything that means me well.
Seeds of doubt have already been planted... I am apprehensive about the month to come and dreading not the menial tasks, but the mental torture I will have to fight through.

The lack of, not money, but support to get me through dreadful hours.
A warm hand in the cold cruel weather of reality.
A smile to wipe away the impossibilities of the day.

We all need that, and as much as I try to be that.
In the days to come, I dread not being able to be there and having no one there.

Is this time for regrets?
There never is time for regrets isn't there.
一直往前走.

作詞：陳佳明
作曲：陳佳明
原唱：許美靜

別再說是誰的錯　讓一切成灰
除非放下心中的負累　一切難以挽回
你總愛讓往事跟隨　怕過去白費
你總以為要體會人生　就要多愛幾回

與其讓你在我懷中枯萎　寧願你犯錯後悔
讓你飛向夢中的世界　留我獨自傷悲
與其讓你在我愛中憔悴　寧願你受傷流淚
莫非要你嘗盡了苦悲　才懂真情可貴

別再說是誰的錯　讓一切成灰
除非放下心中的負累　一切難以挽回
你總愛讓往事跟隨　怕過去白費
你總以為要體會人生　就要多愛幾回

與其讓你在我懷中枯萎　寧願你犯錯後悔
讓你飛向夢中的世界　留我獨自傷悲
與其讓你在我愛中憔悴　寧願你受傷流淚
莫非要你嘗盡了苦悲　才懂真情可貴

莫非要你嘗盡了苦悲　才懂真情可貴

2011-01-12T03:47:00.003+08:00

Exodus

How do enslaved people keep on believing in their God when they are not the victors?

Seeing is believing.
Then what do the blind believe in?

2011-01-11T17:55:00.002+08:00

"Nobody knows where they might end up. "

We live in an era where dreams do come true and everyone has latent potential waiting to be realised and harvested.

Perhaps its true I grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth. Perhaps its crazy the decisions I make these days. I can't deny it and I never once denied being blessed, and being loved.

I am not irresponsible, but I am trying to find a balance between living up to my responsibilities and going on a path that is fearsome but is one that I'd nervously but excitedly take a leap into.

Looking for recognition, that has always been one of my weaknesses. Looking to my mother for approval, crying over disapproval, taking careless words too seriously. For the longest time, I let it take over my everything, control my emotions, dictate my performance. I took pride in that, because I become so damn creative and interesting and adventurous when I'm at the peak of exuberance and joy.

So I kept it the way it was. Allowing my days to be ruled by my heart.

I don't intend to change it. Because following my heart is exactly what got me to where I am today, and honestly speaking, there is nothing to regret. I look back and I see a path that had its fair share of naysayers and of the hands that caught me when I fell on the thorn-infested path but I also see a path that was paved by the Lord. His hands.

The road ahead scares me. But the people I meet, and the people who believe in me to take on my silly fantasies is like a open door waiting for me to discover.

To be more achieving, but not having my achievements calculated by the ruler we are all so used to having is going to be the most challenging hurdle that this heart will have to go through in this period of time.

How do I insist on this with faith, but not in self-defence or denial.
How will I carry on under judgement with a smile on my face and glide in my step.

Right now, only time can tell.

And as much as expectation killed the dog.
I expect the people around me to support me unconditionally.
Remember, when I'm happy. I'm lovely as a button.

Stay happy dear me. :)

2011-01-05T02:57:00.004+08:00

Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

I've been watching Grey's Anatomy Season 2, and a friend of mine told me that the drama series usually have their soundtracks chosen before the scenes are laid out. Which, is rather cool because usually you have the final cut of the scene and then the soundtrack.

I heard this song on the show yesterday, and today I heard it on radio. So happens, I've been feeling really down and I've been desperately seeking the strength to get off from the floor but all I want to do is lie there and lose myself in the moment.

But even lying there requires strength and support. And I found myself wishing there would be others on the floor with me, at that moment... looking me into my eyes and talking to me from the same vantage point. Nothing to understand, nothing to know, nothing I know to tell, nothing I haven't thought.

Just so.

Just if.

If I was walking along a crowded street and said:
"I just want to lie here for a moment. Will you join me please?"

Would you?

Please do, even if it would lead to nothing.
It would please me and make even the hardest of grounds feel like soft grass.

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
That's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden
That's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
Will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?

2011-01-02T22:38:00.002+08:00

2010 的回顾

2010 是我终于完成歌唱事业里小小梦想的一年。
插班生的专辑出炉了。
但2010 也是我人生中第一次失控，掉入一个看不到阳光的黑洞里。
2010 也是我生平第一次写歌，把住在黑洞里的日子都写进了歌曲里。

的确，很多事情都已经改变了。
我也厌倦了很多，也学会更会珍惜，会为自己去争取一些什么。
失去的固然多，得到的也非少。

人，总得长大。
我压抑了好久，逃避了好久，不知不觉发现... 我是个大人了。
不能再说我不想长大，不想面对，不想了解，不想懂得。

不变的是我的孩子气，我的不甘寂寞，我身边的朋友。
不离不弃，不计回报...最难得的是跟着我一起经营我这个梦的朋友。
当时自己成立的marketing team，怪注意多，但认真的程度真的很让我感动。

总之，借用 Jaycee 歌里的一句话： "我还是我，我还是一样能活。“
可能，四年前的我会比较开朗，活得比较自在，但现在的我走在人生大道的另一段曲折，
必须带着累计了多年的开心，的快乐，的满足，往前看，一步一步的去努力经营。

裂痕还在，偶尔还是会不小心陷入自己脑海里的黑洞，心还是会偶尔跌入谷底。
因为我是人啊，我很软弱。
这个巨大的游乐场有很多好玩的，但在地上等着咬你一口的蟒蛇也好多。
那好玩的秋千也会一不小心让你从上面摔下来，
大大的游乐场，有它好玩的规矩。
想玩，就得学会遵守规矩，学会不去计较输赢。

我好玩。很像疯狂，放肆的大闹这游乐场。
所以我还在学习...

真的好想自由自在。
的牵着你手跨过黑洞，跨过蟒蛇，跑一圈我们的游乐场。

2011，我来了。
你别跑太快。

2010-12-27T06:48:00.002+08:00

这首歌好听，这个MV儿童不已。

思念是一重病，MV要惊爆到没意思也是另一种病，我觉得。
看了很不舒服啦~~~
听就好，听就好。

2010-12-18T17:17:00.002+08:00

孤立一群

ok I haven't got powerful chinese. And its difficult to explain ideas formed in my head, understood only bu the neutrons that swim around the concept in the abyss of my skull.

Let's just say, I woke up alone today in a world full of people and friends.
I woke up to my dream,
to my empty pockets,
to a brimming heart.

A heart filled with fear and joy,
with lament and loss,
with gratitude and hope.

My mum used to say that I am a "不甘寂寞的小孩“ ... and I guess mother's know us best. I really am what I am. I am afraid of loneliness, but surrounding yourself with fellow homosapiens don't remove that. That loneliness that I am afraid of, is the lack of purpose and drive that overtakes when I'm alone.

Today I questioned the idea of loyalty. The question of allegiance. There isn't a sure answer for the questions I pose to myself, we're not in war and we're not in the medieval times of knights and kings, and no one can claim to deserve loyalty of allegiance. One can only be thankful in times when such loyalty and such allegiance shine through.

I always defend my friends. Perhaps a little too much.
My allegiance is with you, even if you are in the wrong.
Even if you are clearly, clearly a good for nothing.
Because I see more of you. Or at least I think I do.
I know I practice what I preach, at least on this matter.
Because I have fallen out with people close to me over this, in my illogical display of loyalty and allegiance.

But I guess I cannot expect the same.
Because we are all different.
And henceforth, we are all a bunch of individuals, fighting out own battles alone,
but standing... in the same crowd.

Slowly time will sift out some, and bring in new tidings.
How do i appreciate the coming and going,
the new and the old,
the unfamiliar in the familiar?

I'm inspired, but I am still equally lost in my words and my thoughts.
So I can imagine you the reader going completely bonkers with my latest posts.
Woops.

2010-12-18T16:59:00.002+08:00

明知故挺

Woke up to a strange but familiar sense of belonging this morning. Unable to grasp the meaning of it all, I wondered and asked in amazement how the landscape of things could change so quickly. The landscape of one's heart even.

Much as we lament the fact that we hate how Singapore tears down old buildings and builds new, better structures in replacement within months, we can't deny the fact that change is inevitable. Our struggle is in accepting it.

What is loyalty? Who owns you today? Who do you owe to give your heart to? Who do you choose to pledge allegiance and undying love to? These are all but empty promises that one day will fall flat and prove itself fruitless. And yet day in day out, promises are made, and blessedly, they should be made. They should be made because of the one great gift that we were given.

Hope.

Hope of a better future, Hope of a blessed life, Hope of a healthy body, Hope of a successful career. Hope kills? Expectation. That's the one that kills. Hope uplifts our souls. The very part of us that doesn't seem to belong to us, the soul that God breathed unique into each and everyone of us, that soul that determines if you're the emo sort, or the genteel logical sort.

Bonds broken, bonds formed. Warm hearts growing cold, cold hearts reigniting its flame. All things shall come to pass, not in our timing, but in his.

Decisions made, consequences follow. In sadness and in joy, in sickness and in health.

Friends they come and go.
To me, some have already walked out the door...
I won't close the door, but I know I've outgrown the phase where I want to try and make everyone mine, because no one is here to be owned except by the one and only sovereign being. The creator of all, who even he, doesn't try to own us.

Today, I'm really thankful that the heavy rain turned into a drizzle when Peeps and I arrived. I'm really thankful that my fever is gone and my flu has subdued, and I'm really thankful for safe flights, and really thankful and grateful for a loyal friend who has chosen to stand by my side even if it doesn't seem logical, or even when I'm clearly the one at fault and the one in the wrong.

Just like how God sent his one and only son Jesus to save us from ourselves, even when he knew.... we didn't deserve it and we clearly are in the wrong. God's allegiance, his loyalty to us, his amazing grace, is something we cannot ask for. It is his gift to us. If only we would reach out and accept it.

Thank you Mon mon, for sticking by me.
有你在我身旁，我真的觉得自己勇敢了很多。

Merry Christmas all of you :)

2010-12-18T02:21:00.000+08:00

MAJOR LIKES. 圭贤 of Super Junior

2010-12-04T13:28:00.001+08:00

泪／累／儡

蚂蚁军团和露喜给插班生的惊喜和完美！

2010-11-26T16:35:00.000+08:00

Manhand - 漫游世界

2010-11-25T07:19:00.002+08:00

Forever Fever my Mother and Father

I remember asking my mum how is it that two such different people could stay together. One who nagged and fret and worried over every little household issue and the other who hardly said a word and often shrugged off the same issues the other felt worth creating wrinkles over.

I hear the same stories over and over again, how my mum spent nights crying the pillow wet in sadness and tiredness, how she often felt that my Dad wasn't home enough but she had to be understanding knowing he had work and had a devout commitment to church activities as well. She was angry and upset but she kept it together, no matter how difficult it was.

She would pick fights, and she would show her unhappiness, but she never once mentioned the word "divorce", no matter how unhappy and how bleak things seemed, because she remembered the vows that they made at the altar, and how he had taken care of her younger siblings when he was at her house. Back then, she had known that he would be a good father, a good husband.

My dad on the other hand, kept his optimism, never broke into a frown, and more than often hardly uttered an extra word. He just listened and let my mother rant, sometimes breaking into a chuckle (which would exasperate her more) at certain sweeping statements that she might throw out in anger. He too, never mentioned the word "divorce", no matter how tired his ear drums might be, how much he wanted to hit the sacks after a full day's work and worship practices in church. He never blew his top, or ever hinted at wanting a "divorce".

My mum always says that alot of effort went into making the marriage work. And had there been one incident where any of them had mentioned getting a "divorce", in the spur of the moment... things might have been different.

I've always wondered, how is it my mum can go on non-stop even when my Dad hardly gives a proper verbal response. After that thought, I move on to marvel at how my Dad can keep listening to the same stories with a slight smile and not a tinge of impatience for so many years. If you separate the two, you'd think my mum talks too much, and my Dad is too quiet.

Truth is, my mum likes to read, and ponder about things in silence.

And my dad loves a crowd and a bottle of wine, laughing heartily and throwing out silly remarks and jokes.

How they come together to form this weird team of tag I don't know. But I know this is a team, that is set to run the long race together forever, not without commitment, not without a dogged pursuit to provide a conducive environment for me and my brother, and not without amazing effort, tears, and the occasional gritting of teeth.

Why are there so many divorce cases these days? I'm nobody to judge, because there can be so many issues that present itself unsolvable, and times have changed so much and people now have so many choices and so many different means to ends. Its a new world, a changed world with advanced mindsets.

Maybe I'm too slow, or I'm too simple, or in nastier terms, I'm too naive and stupid. But I think the same rules apply, to keep two in unity. Whether its marriage, a partnership or just besties. There's bound to be the ups and downs, sometimes more downs than ups, but ... 朋友也没有永远要好... each will have their respective periods of negativity, discomfort or just suddenly no longer finding that person interesting. In our time of "Live like there's no tomorrow" we make our decisions on the spot.

Ok, discomfort. NEXT!
Uh, this doesn't make me feel good. NEXT!
Hey, this is fun. GO!
Shucks, this person's getting on my nerves. NEXT!

But there is a tomorrow, isn't it?
Is it about sprinting, or about the long race?

It took my parents years to get to this stage, where they know now that this is the person who can take all my shit and nonsense for the rest of the journey having already gone through so much of my nonsense and being there for me during the worst chapters of my life.

These days, we don't count the years anymore. We count the days.
We keep believing 2012 is the end. Or that planning ahead makes no sense since end days are probably, PROBABLY in our generation. (I'm not sure about you, but often I think that I probably won't live to see my grandchildren, so what's the point?)

But it says in the bible :

1 Thessalonians 5:1
"Now, brothers, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night.While people are saying, "Peace and safety," destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. "

Acts 1:7
"He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority."

Revelation 16:15
"Behold, I come like a thief! Blessed is he who stays awake and keeps his clothes with him, so that he may not go naked and be shamefully exposed."

I guess, the best way... to is to plan the years and the lifetime you have gifted to you because each and everyone of us were made unique and different from each other for a purpose. NO matter how small or big, a purpose to live is a purpose to live. You have a reason for being here today, and you have to find out. Live your life with a VISION of the future, but live each day to the fullest as well.

I suppose. I suppose, that is the best way to live. For Christians and non-Christians alike.

It really isn't easy. But I'm in this for the FOREVER.
FOR EVERything, good and bad.

If two people like my parents made it work.
I don't see why we can't.
Simple, stupid, naive, you name it, I've got it.

:P

Oh, and lots of love. Lots and lots of love.
Please grant me a big heart, a bigger heart, a double portion of a big heart.
And if possible, less tears?
Thanks.

Oh and happy days. Oh Happy days. :)))
Oh ok, since I'm in the greedy mood, wisdom to unlock knowledge, to see and feel, to hear and understand, to empathise, to believe, to persist, to fight, to be patient, to be generous, to be abundant.

And.... to sleep like a child.

(food for thought: Why is it that when people sleep at abnormal timings, we say they sleep at 'ungodly hours'? I mean, really. I don't think God needs to sleep. So what's so ungodly about that hour? Just wondering.)

2010-11-23T20:06:00.002+08:00

I haven't anything smart to say.

2010-11-23T18:16:00.003+08:00

Twinkling of rain.

It was raining, while the sun kept shining.

And it was ok, they co-existed fine. It was beautiful.

And last night, I wrote a song.

A song I still don't have words for.

I've been feeling stupid.

No can do.

Wanna walk in the rain, in the sun...

hap-hazard thoughts,

messy but the same.

Same thoughts, same tunes, same pain.

but the sun can shine, while the rain falls...

so the smile shouldn't fade and the tears shouldn't stop.

2010-11-22T22:33:00.003+08:00

Delete button

坐也不是，站也不是，吃也不是，睡也不是，
看也不是，不看也不是，听也不是，
现在做什么都觉得不是。
缺了什么。心情有点坏。
要我笑，我还时笑得出...
但笑里藏着一些...

can dowan?

2010-11-22T13:35:00.002+08:00

having the chills, but the sun looks warm out there.

I guess its up to me now, should I take that risk or just smile?
Lovely sun.

2010-11-21T00:46:00.002+08:00

天气变化得太快，身体快复合不来...
白天黑夜交换得太静，我疲惫得身影跟不上...
走在家外面得路灯下，影子好像呼吸，拉长着夜晚...
一个接一个，不见了又浮现...

我有话想说，但头脑和嘴巴八字不和...

I'm really not so good at thinking, but I'm really good at feeling.
And it feels so empty now.
Dug myself a hole too big I guess.
Too much space I can hear the echoes of my sniffles.
The air is too cold and too damp, my nose isn't liking it here.
Need a flu tab for everything.

2010-11-20T02:45:00.006+08:00

好想挥霍

想要不顾一切，想要逃离这一切，到一个没有顾虑，没有压力，没有责任，没有良心的地方去。
想想罢了，好想挥霍，但我还能怎样呢？

谁来救我。

我穿戴整齊面對瘋狂的世界

不管今天面對誰　微笑是必須

就算你不在意

我微笑的原因

是我僅有的自信

我慌亂面對你轉身離開

不管未來快樂是不是　我的必需品

我只能再一次

安靜做好準備

你下一次出現

總在午夜夢醒　家徒四壁

是什麼包圍空虛

好想把我的全部都給你

一個人多平凡的期許

總在人潮散去　瞬間覺醒

全身力氣得不到安寧

從不曾揮霍

好想要揮霍

好讓明天繼續

這是貓咪做給巧貓的唷

我慌亂面對你轉身離開

不管未來快樂是不是　我的必需品

也許早已否定

我所有的努力

愛已不會降臨

Baby~~午夜夢醒　家徒四壁

是什麼包圍空虛

好想把我的全部都給你

一個人多平凡的期許

總在人潮散去　瞬間覺醒

全身力氣得不到安寧

從不曾揮霍

好想要揮霍

好讓明天繼續

我要的生活只有那麼一種

卻無法一個人點滴的過

直到今天還不能放開昨天的手

誰來救我

午夜夢醒　家徒四壁

再沒有什麼包圍空虛

好想把我的全部都給你

兩個人彼此間的必須

總在人潮散去　瞬間覺醒

全身力氣得不到片刻安寧

從不曾揮霍

好想要揮霍

好讓快樂繼續

從不曾揮霍

好想要揮霍

沒有什麼是必須

chanced upon this. Powerful powerful stuff from her...