A quick release

I've been keeping a blog for more than three years now... and i've been faithfully writing(although you all probably don't see the first 3 years of my blog posts because well, its kinda like my private diary that i take out to laugh at once in a while now.)

I think i write so much because in the journey of life, you always have your ups and downs, your highs and lows and your failures and successes.

Weirdly, I think i mostly write when i'm down and out.

Pretend this is my diary post where i hold back very little and don't expect to be judged nor sympathised... just as a release. Allow me.

" I'm down(but not out) today. I think i screwed up a performance. By losing my cool.
I didn't do terribly, but i guess what a close friend said is so true. It wasn't a terrible performance but as the female and male champs of Superstar, we could and should have done alot better.

Well, i think this applies more in my case because i made silly unforgivable mistakes. Like forgetting my lyrics, and totally forgetting to come in.

What came over me?

I wasn't well prepared, but neither was i ill-prepared.

I practiced, I worried about make up about hair about everything. I'm putting in the effort in every appearance i get, heeding the advice of my manager and what not. BUt after all this, I screw up in my performance.
THE ONE THING I'M SUPPOSED TO BE CONFIDENT OF.

Crap.

I took one look at the judges and i lost it. I wanted to impress but i went lost it.
They're not called judges for nothing. They judge.

Daren said : we're no long in the competition, so there's nothing to be afraid of.
But the little girl in me still felt fear, and dang... that's when the errors started coming.

AIYO!!!!!! HOW CAN!!!!!!!

And to do badly in the one thing you've sacrificed and given up so much for, the one thing you love and enjoy doing, the one thing you've earned a title in that makes your family members watch your every step in elation and fear just makes me feel all the more unworthy and so completely doofus-y.

I'm a doofus.

But the doofus here feels better already. "

I really do. Thank you for 'listening'. That's all i needed.