NEO AI LING the devil's advocate...

Wa, I dedicate one blog post to you.

If that is your real name, then i appreciate that you left your real name instead of using some pseudo nickname when leaving comments. Unlike Tida, you kinda have my real respect for that because I know you believe in what you have said enough to leave your real name behind.

I can only say thank you for your concern and nothing else because you cannot tell me not to dream, just as how i wouldn't be able to do the same to you. You can slam me all you want, criticise me and what not but you can't tell anybody not to dream big. I understand we all have to be practical and not not pursue something that will never come true, but how come you're so sure it will never come true and in the very first place, do you even know what I am pursuing?

I am not trying to become a singer, because if that is all i pursued, I would not have left mediacorp. Let me explain it to you later... but first, I just want to tell you that I enjoy every moment I have on stage. I've always loved performing, even at family gatherings, at a personal level. I enjoy music, love imitating Jay Chou, absolutely love tearing apart those high notes in big boisterous songs.

I love to play the drums, and its like a dream come true for me going for my first drum lesson a few days ago.

All in all, I only want to become a better person. In terms of music, in terms of performing, in terms of my life.

If i had decided to go ahead with my contract with Mediacorp, then today i would not be sitting here defending my cause, my dream. I would be silently chuckling to myself "haha, soon she'll see. In a few months, my debut album will be available in stores." But I made a tough decision to not go ahead with this because of various reasons which are personal but believe close friends and family will respect me for and continue supporting me in this dream.

My contract with Mediacorp meant I would definitely have at least one, if not two albums tucked under my belt in the next 2 years or so. So pls, don't look down on me or think that I'm not able to make it.

The entertianment industry is just like any other industry. It has politics and it is one big rat race and actors and actresses alike are just doing their job. Singers too, but the risks here are bigger and results don't come in a day or even in a year. Based on what have you and Tida concluded that I am not cut out for this? Based on what have you concluded that others are cut out for this? Based on the number of shows they have? Based on the number of trophies they have brought home? Even an insurance sales person can find himself on the millionaire table and then quit one day suddenly saying that he is not cut out for this, for one simple reason. He no longer recieves any satisfaction out of this job. I can't say this is my cup of tea, because life in Mediacorp wasn't necessarily all a bed of roses but I would say the same even if today I chose to be a film director or an accountant.

So tell me, 你是以什么样的标准断定我不适合往着方面去发展？

I fully understand your comparison between me and Carrie. And you know what? I compare all the time and it hurts me to death. It tears my confidence apart, bit by bit. But everyday is a journey. Everyday I wake up and there are days I feel horrible and useless and unsuccessful, but then i slowly build myself up and realise I've achieved alot already and I am proud of myself AND as a friend, I should be happy for Carrie.
(altho i admit it takes alot of effort there to not be so self-centered. Thanks Yang One Two for being so supportive and sensitive all this while. =) )

She knows about it too. We talk about it, and everyday is a day of renewing my soul, of rebuilding my confidence. I made my decision, and I will live with it to the fullest with no regrets. I chose otherwise but it doesn't mean that I am not up to anything.

I do have other talents and maybe you'll need to know me personally before you can find out because I don't 随随便便泄露 my 才华 to any 啊狗啊猫 ok...


So I might have given it all up, everything I had worked towards previously, but I think because of that, I'm free-er now. I go for my drums lessons with a bounce in my stride. There are many days when I feel like S-H-I-T but I have so many great people around me who take care of me and look out for me all the time I realise that i really am a BLESSED piece of S-H-I-T. And I praise God for that.

Bosses black rush and green rush, Mary, Carrie, Chong Qing, Uncle David, Mr Lim, Peifen, Xiang Ge, Huiyi, Jiahui, Long Ge, Peter Lao Shi, Lina, Nat, Yunying, Fang-Gu and so many more....

I am one helluva BLESSED piece of SHIT la.

You know what, Ailing? Typing this post out has helped me to realised how blessed I am... so I guess, you kinda are a God sent critic.

You have my respect as long as you live and go by the name... NEO AI LING.