Long overdue reflections

I think my biggest regret in the competition was when I failed in the 指定歌曲.

In a short period of time, we had to master three songs to the best of our efforts. And although 触摸 didn't pose any serious problems in just singing, I didn't understand the song at all. I watched the MV over and over again. I understood the story of a jealous girlfriend whose jealously caused the death of her best friend and the breaking up of two people who truly were meant for each other. I watched it over and over, but the lyrics of the song didn't paint a similar story for me.

Perhaps it was because I was so shallow in areas that involved matters of the heart.

Perhaps I just didn't try hard enough.

At the rehersals, I remember struggling between holding that high note at the chorus or cutting it short to go straight into the last chorus. Jiaming Laoshi suggested I just go straight. But just before going on stage that night, I knew this was the last song. And i was afraid. Afraid because i didn't know what kind of an emotion to bring on stage with me for the song.

I didn't know how it would be if i just sang it as it is.

I told myself "whack la..." and i went up ready to just sing my heart out with whatever I had.

I remember singing, and the emotions built up as i went along. I imagined myself touching the winds with my bare hands, but having no sense of freedom or comfort but only hurt and pain... I sang with more and more passion but it was all at this bottleneck of emotions.

Like what someone said, this song required layers of emotions. And i could only squeeze it all out at one level of emotion... it was all bursting out but they were all the same thing. And with every sentence I was just moving forward with trepidation and fear. And then I missed my entrance to the first few chorus because the passion in me told me to drag that last note further. But a voice in me said "But laoshi said to go straight into the chorus" and then i lost it.

But. I would have never been able to do it as well as Carrie's rendition even if i had kept my focus on following my heart or my mind. Carrie understood the song so well. I know, because i asked her after that. "how did you do it?"

It is my regret but also a lesson learnt. I learnt that there's so much more to singing than just singing, and I've learnt that singing a song well is not just about perfect pitch(although that would be most helpful) but a sincere heart.

Just like how a loved one sings a sweet lullaby. The loved on may be totally tone-deaf but it would still be music to your ears.

My biggest regret, is that i didn't realise this earlier.

And yet, I am so thankful now, that I've found my meaning for this song. Two years late, but nevertheless I am happy that if i were to sing this song today, I know from which part of my heart I'll be singing it from.

I don't have a real experience to share, but I've learnt to draw experience from various things. And for this song, I draw experience from yes933 罐头剧场 “215 的约定” . When i first heard the story from Chong Qing, I almost cried. I could relate to the characters and the story of how dreams and bonds were inter-weaved something creating beautiful patterns and sometimes self-destructing.

I'm so thankful, so so thankful that I have a chance like this to relive the song. To have a chance to understand this song at a different level even if its two years late.

Please do catch “215 的约定” on yes933 at 9.30am/2.30pm/7.30pm/10.30pm.

Its the brainchild of Peifen and ChongQing and contains the sweat and blood of all the DJs in yes933. And I'm proud to have been given a chance to be a part of it.