Sweet Closure, Sweet Sleep.

I hate arguments. Especially those which linger in the air, with no proper conclusion, no sorry, no understanding, no taking a step back, no compromise.

I hate cold wars. Those that require you to suffer in silence because of your cheap dignity and oh-so-justifiable-reasons-for-anger and self-pity.

I think I figured out a small part of the code to my window.

I need closure.

People who can survive arguments without giving in, without trying to make things better, who can survive cold wars, without being the first to break the silence, are people who can find their own closure. People who move on quickly... like how some people break up and then get hung up over the same guy for a year... while many others, move on the next relationship so easily and without a burdened heart.

I don't get that closure so easily.

Yeah, I get all hung up on relationships and don't move on easily.

I never survive cold wars with my mum, I always find some lame reason to talk to her "ma, do you need water?" or "ma, did you see my book?"

And I'm pretty much always the first to say "SORRY" even when its not entirely my fault. I just don't see enough reason to hang on to your ideals at the expense of friendship and the better tomorrows.

Something in me is just not closed-case yet.

I tell myself, yeah. Case closed man.

But its not. It keeps coming back like a wave on the beach, slapping the shores over and over again, eroding the sand bit by bit.

I can't sleep.

I struggle to sleep for hours, wake up and can do a ton of things, and then find that I can't sleep at night again and repeat the whole routine.


That's why I blog. It gives me a little bit of closure... shutting out the bright painful lights which force them rays through the slits of my eyes and prevent me from falling into a deep sleep.

That's why I pray even more now. It gives me peace. But I know this is temporary, because God wants us to settle whatever disputes we have, or whatever misgivings or wrong-doings we have done before coming to the Altar of worship.

I pray, with all my heart. Not just for me, not just for my beauty sleep. But for everyone and anyone affected. That soon we'll have that closure, that soon we will all live cohesively, love unconditionally and shine like the city on a hill that cannot be hidden.

“You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14-16)

I think I'll sleep well tonight. Haha. I just know it.

Man, I love blogging~!

Shit. I think I'm anti-social.