Living/Leaving

An fb message came in this morning.

"Hi diya, he passed away."

5 words.

I never said more than 5 words to him when he was in my house having Chinese tution, but he was always very well-mannered and everyone only had praises for him. My dad and his dad were really good friends. Uncle Wee is the only person I know whom my dad will go out for drinks with after a phonecall at about 10 plus and be back at midnight...

But how come Qian Xiang and I never made it to being gd friends?

I hardly know you, but I do. And those 5 words that passed on a message so simple so true hit me in a silent wave of emotions, adding more to the turbulent waters in the depths of my heart that i am often unable to express.

What is death? Loss? Gain?

In Phillipians 1:21-24, the apostle Paul sits in prison, chains on his feet and hands, facing a possible threat to his life and writes this to the romans...

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labour for me.
Yet what shall I choose? I do not know!

I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body."

I imagine that everyday that Paul was preaching the gospel, believing in it, and suffering for it, he grappled with this issue. For a great man of God, a thought like this is similar to how us living beings in this modern world, contemplate suicide.

What is our purpose in this shell we have on earth?
What do we do, and what are we meant to live out.

How long do we have here? This question baffles me more and more... and i am torn. Between wanting to depart to be with Christ and struggling with my petty emotions in this earthly shell of mine.

But we are not to take charge of something as holy as life. Life he breathed into us when we were only a figure made of dust of the earth.

And when he takes us away, he can do it in a second.

Qian Xiang is a good boy, his loss leaves even someone who hasn't spoken more than 5 words to him asking God why it happened this way. But in a small way, I envy and am happy for him. He is in a better place. He was loved, and he loved to the best of his abilities.

My heart goes out to his parents.

I pray, with all my heart.

God of all we see and all we do not,
your grace and love is unlimited,
unliked our narrow-mindedness,
our narrow hearts and our short-sightedness.
Let your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.
But give us the resilience and the faith to push through any storms that come in life,
whether they be from you or from Satan.
And that when the time comes,
we will be like a fruit ripened for picking.

Amen.