Sad

the opposite of happy. Have never really thought of myself as sad.
And hopefully won't.
Sadness as explained by wikipedia is an emotional feeling that results from loss or helplessness.
How apt.

A gd friend tweeted me and said my posts seem... sad.

And they are, they stem from me, who is sad.

But its not a bad thing.
The problem is, most of the time, the pain feels more real than the joy.
It grips you, and it suffocates you.
Unlike the idea of being happy, which people often refer to as feeling light headed,
like one can fly.

But yeah. being strangled feels alot more real than being able to fly.

And yes, these three weeks, the emotional roller coaster I've been riding should be the real deal.

Everyone tells me the same things. That happiness is a choice.
That we can make the change.
That I can make the change.

I guess different people handle such situations differently.

But one thing I realised. Is that no one is going to be responsible for your feelings.
No one WANTS to be responsible. Even if that person has a direct impact on how you feel.

Isn't that sad?
That we are so alone? and yet we are constantly surrounded by people.

We try, we try to take responsibility.
But really, how many people actually really act on this so called responsibility.

Not many.
Most of us just throw in a few cents worth of words so we feel like we tried and can go to sleep feeling less affected.

No, I can't be like this. As in I don't want to be. So please give me strength to take responsibility the next time I have such a responsibility. Because I don't want someone else to feel like this.

I feel like I've grown up so much, and all of a sudden,
I understand how powerful and consuming emotional pain can cause a person.

Maybe some people are less "emo" than others,
they scoff at such stories saying things like,
"please grow up la..."
"suicide is like for stupid people.."
"seriously, worth it meh?"
"so many other things in life to be happy about what..."

I guess I've learnt that words are cheap. And action is louder than words.

I've also learnt that feelings are fickle. But it doesn't cheapen them.
But I also learnt that I'm not fickle. Which can be quite a hassle.

I'm intrinsically not a sad person. But neither can I say I'm a happy person.

I brood over stuff, and I don't articulate my inner feelings well (that's why i blog).

And the idea of happiness and sadness, is just so different from person to person.
Now that I have to write a happy song by tonight, I'm really starting to question this whole simplified idea of happiness.

Its easy to say its simple, but its hard to practice it when you're stuck in a rut.

Maybe one day i'll write a song from my perspective.
To balance things out.
That because happiness is so simple, that similarly sadness is simple too.

Its not fair to say "oh, I'm happy JUST BECAUSE i ate something I like!"
and not be able to say "oh I'm sad JUST BECAUSE i are something I don't like."

option 1: pple give you a pat on the back and say "you're content! that's wonderful!"
option 2: pple say... "hello? its just food. doh."

Why like this?!


远走高飞吧～

BRIGHTER BETTER TOMORROWS.
If it never hurt, you never loved.
Its true.

Jesus was crucified, whipped, nailed on the cross... it was pain unbearable.
But what really hurt him more, was the betrayal of his own beloved disciples.
And the heart, was the one organ that bled the most on the day of his cruxification.

Its true.

"Dear Children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and truth."
- 1 John 3:18