Paradoxes in my head and the air outside

I have nothing to blog.

That does not mean I have nothing to say.

I have nothing to tweet.

That does not mean I have nothing to say.

I have nothing to say.

That does not mean I have nothing to blog or tweet.

I am becoming very lost in my own thoughts...

These days, I see something and I want to say, but within the next moment,
I start to evaluate the consequences or predict the reactions I might garner from spouting out my brainwaves, but while doing all that, a few other moments have passed, and I have to re-evaluate the consequence of saying whatever it is I want to say a few moments late, by then another few moments have passed, and you get the idea.

All that is heard. Is silence.

My thoughts sometimes strangle my own voice.
That is rather annoying.

But then again, have you ever had a thought?
A crystal clear thought in your head,
that when spoken forth,
sounds like absolute rubbish,
and loses all the magic it had in your head?

That's even more annoying I think.
Like your verbalisation skills aren't doing justice to that thought in your head,
or that thought in your head wasn't really making sense in the first place.

And then for a few minutes, you feel lost in words.
Swimming around in a pool of vocabulary that makes no sense.
Even less sense than a bowl of milk with cornflake alphabets.

I wish I would meet someone, who'd understand my brain full of milk and cornflake alphabets.
Someone who will know me for who I am.
For the blundering cuckoo nut who thinks too much even before she can stop it,
the one with all the insecurities,
and the need for so much,
the lack of so much,
and yet the willingness,
and the desire for a chance to be.