走钢索的人

picture from http://alntv.wordpress.com/page/6/?archives-list&archives-type=cats

We're walking a tightrope,
and at every small gust of wind,
fear grips the heart and you want to hug your knees, crouch down and cry.
Except you can't.

The only way is forwards.
So you wobble inch by inch forwards.
all the while you're entire body is focusing on going forwards,
your mind is thinking of going backwards.

You find yourself taking any moment of stability as a chance to sneak a peek backwards.
But moments like this are hard to come by,
and with one peek, you find you've lost your balance once again.

And you fall, you free fall, and your heart lunges out of your chest.
You think, this is it.
I'm gonna die.
There is some peace in that,
because while you free fall, there is a split second where you have regrets,
and another second where you accept that death is inevitable.
So you breathe in and close your eyes.

*Twaaaaaang*

Your body lurches upwards as though it hit an invisible elastic surface and is on the rebound.
You realise, you are harnessed.
To the sky.
You touch the rope that is attached to your body.
It is a good good rope.
And its binded to your body in a way that it becomes one and the same with you.
You reach your eyes far out into the sky, and you can't see the end of the rope...
but you feel yourself being pulled upwards.

There is joy, and you start to sing praises of thanksgiving.
As the rope continues to pull,
you reach your hands up to the heavens in anticipation.
And then the rope stops moving.

You are puzzled.
Maybe a little impatient too.
"Why has the rope stopped moving?? Come on!"

You look around you.
And you realise, your body is now hanging level with that tightrope once again.
You tug a little at the rope and use momentum to jiggle yourself around to see if that will kickstart the heavenly motors to continue reeling you skywards.

Nothing happens. Darn it.

It is a dawning realisation,
and as much as it is a nagging feeling at the back of your head,
telling you that this is what you are meant to be doing.
You shake it off in disbelief, choosing to believe that,
your difficult tightrope walking days are past,
and heaven is where you should be now.
Even if its heaven on earth.

So it still boils down to a choice.
Either you continue hanging there midair, on the same spot in limbo.
Or you get back on that tightrope,
reclaim those fears,
reclaim those doubts,
and continue making your way forward.

There isn't a moral to this thought of mine.
because like many of you, I'm still hanging mid-air.
Refusing to believe that I'm here to walk the tightrope of life,
that the rope of salvation will keep me from death,
but will not keep me from life.

Or perhaps, without knowing it myself,
I'm already treading the tightrope gingerly,
but I'm still inclined to look backwards,
instead of forwards where the fog is thick,
and I see the mist swirling about because of great gusts of wind.
I worry, that I'm not ready.
That I'll fall again.
The fear in my heart, no longer just grips me from the inside.
It overtakes the muscles in my body and I can't move.

But its a tightrope.
Not moving means not balancing.
not balancing means free falling.
I have to move, no matter how afraid I am.
No matter how terrible the future looks,
and how beautiful the past may seem.

You are my strength when I am weak.
You are the reason for my being.
You are the one who placed me on this tightrope,
on this journey of a lifetime.
You're the one who will catch me when I fall,
and you'll be the one waiting at the end with a nice warm cuppa and a smile that would make me the happiest Child of God there is on earth.

Help me to keep walking.
Help me to keep believing.
Help me to never stop loving.
Because above all, is love.
Not because we love him, but because he first loved us.

^"8Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
⁹Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. ¹⁰Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms."
- 1 Peter 4:8-10

Come on adventurer. Keep walking.