孤立一群

ok I haven't got powerful chinese. And its difficult to explain ideas formed in my head, understood only bu the neutrons that swim around the concept in the abyss of my skull.

Let's just say, I woke up alone today in a world full of people and friends.
I woke up to my dream,
to my empty pockets,
to a brimming heart.

A heart filled with fear and joy,
with lament and loss,
with gratitude and hope.

My mum used to say that I am a "不甘寂寞的小孩“ ... and I guess mother's know us best. I really am what I am. I am afraid of loneliness, but surrounding yourself with fellow homosapiens don't remove that. That loneliness that I am afraid of, is the lack of purpose and drive that overtakes when I'm alone.

Today I questioned the idea of loyalty. The question of allegiance. There isn't a sure answer for the questions I pose to myself, we're not in war and we're not in the medieval times of knights and kings, and no one can claim to deserve loyalty of allegiance. One can only be thankful in times when such loyalty and such allegiance shine through.

I always defend my friends. Perhaps a little too much.
My allegiance is with you, even if you are in the wrong.
Even if you are clearly, clearly a good for nothing.
Because I see more of you. Or at least I think I do.
I know I practice what I preach, at least on this matter.
Because I have fallen out with people close to me over this, in my illogical display of loyalty and allegiance.

But I guess I cannot expect the same.
Because we are all different.
And henceforth, we are all a bunch of individuals, fighting out own battles alone,
but standing... in the same crowd.

Slowly time will sift out some, and bring in new tidings.
How do i appreciate the coming and going,
the new and the old,
the unfamiliar in the familiar?

I'm inspired, but I am still equally lost in my words and my thoughts.
So I can imagine you the reader going completely bonkers with my latest posts.
Woops.