It all comes down to this

I've got a little bit of savings. Enough to keep me alive for now.

But being alive isn't good enough for me.

I want to live. I want to burn like the stars, burning in their own existence, burning out, becoming smaller and smaller but still bringing light and opening up the realms of imagination.

I've been thinking so hard about diversification.

I'm afraid to not diversify. To put my eggs into one basket.

It bothers me so much, I can't really breathe somedays when I don't see a prospect of anything.

I see the people around me, making good of their other talents. Making better even.

That music seems to be the other entity that will flourish only if you successfully diversify and commercialize on your other talents.

It freaks me out. That after searching, and opening up the options, willing myself to take on challenges. That there really isn't anything I can diversify into now without giving up so much of what I'm just beginning to want to commit myself fully into.

I've reached a point where I'm willing to pay if it gets music somewhere.

And that, is a scary thought.

Someone once told me, that If I ever wanted to do music or make a movie... that I should NEVER have to fork out my savings. Because the moment you start doing that, its the point of no return. You'll ALWAYS be working from your savings.

But, I'm starting to inch towards giving my all. And it scares me, so much.

Because, I'm not sure I have what it takes to make good.

I can't even play a proper song on the piano or the guitar to save my life.

What is it I'm supposed to be hanging on for?

I know there's something, because the fire burns and scalds not just me.. but the people around me. But I don't know what this something is, because from wherever I look, and wherever I look. There are a thousand success cases out there, and I'm just me.

The little chilli padi in church who never seemed to fear the stage and fought anyone tooth and nail despite the person being a guy triple her size. I was born fearless, and then I grew up to learning to fear.

I've got nothing to lose, so much to prove.

Yeah. ROck on.