it's love, over and over.

Now love, 

is a concept, 

an act, an expression, 

a thought, an emotion, 

finite and infinite moments added and subtracted and divided and multiplied then repeated all over again,

any sequence you like. 

It is familiar, 

unfamiliar, 

friendly, 

romantic,

gentle, 

passionate...

confusing, 

enlightening. 

Today, 

love is the form of memories cherished, long gone. 

Love is the act of not giving up on hope, even when in sorrow. 

Love is... wishing I could turn back time.

Love is... knowing I cannot, but that I'm here for a long time. 

Oh why oh why Dumbledore... 

Am I the one who survived. 

Why was I not struck down. 

"It's love, Harry." 

And love will carry us to the top of mountains, 

and will also be what we cry about in the valleys of death. 

Loving can hurt. 

But anything is better than emptiness. 

Love will not be in vain. 

Algorithm.

 Hello, 

It's been 8 years. 

There's comfort in past haunts, maybe it's because you don't need to be sure of who you are when you're someone you know you used to be in. 

Recent years have been good, and not so. 

Mostly good I must admit. 

Which makes the bits where things feel bad, seem so... trivial. 

I've been struggling with posting/sharing things on IG stories, because the voices outside have over taken the one inside. What used to be the freedom of impernance has somehow for whatever reason, become a question of algorithm. 

I never could care much for that. 

Not because I didn't, but because I simply couldn't. 

I enjoyed sharing moments, I felt safe knowing that though fleeting... the act of doing so would perhaps... perhaps help me in remembering what my leaky brain can't. 

Forgetfulness becomes a thing as you grow older.

And subconsciously perhaps, I've found a way to remember better. 

But it is not always welcomed. 

And these days more and more, I feel as though I'm wrong... in this way of remembering. What works for me, is done... at the expense of someone else's comfort perhaps. 

I can no longer tell if one if joking, or not. And it's as though my mental walls are down, and I am unable to master a skin thick enough to just power through the negativity. And I have chosen... to stop. 

Which brings me back here. 

8 years later. 

Writing riddles. 

Break-point.

I don't have anyone who is really proud of me.

If you're reading this, and you think your life is meaningless, or you feel you're not special.

Take heart and know, that I face this everyday of my life.

That I look at other people, and I wonder why I can't have the same level of support or love.

Why I try so hard every minute of my life to do the best I can with the purpose that has been set in me while attempting to fulfil the wishes and to make every effort to make time for the people around me.

There are days when the voice in your head wins, and the voice in your heart whimpers.

Take a rest, and literally...

To the important and special people in your lives that perhaps have failed in one way or another in their words or their actions...

You have to say .. "Whatever." And "Zzzzz... "
And just sleep it off.

You've got to do, what you've got to do.

I've got punctured holes in my heart that are bleeding out.
I'm so tired, I think I'll go to bed.

You go to bed too.

The greatest and the least of them

The greatest thing to have and to give is Love. 

I doubt anybody can refute that, as much as they may expound or argue about its definition or components.

I know what true love is, because I have received the greatest gift of salvation.

Every night alone in bed, I lick my wounds and I feel sorry for the person I am, and then I am reminded that my Father in Heaven looks at me lovingly and longingly, and every night... the prodigal son returns home to the Father.

Because of that, I have learnt to love the people around me. Even when they don't love me.

I must say however, that I am growing weak, and tired.

And once again my friends, I question... "What is love?" 

And by that, I don't mean the Godly love that I have come to experience, accept and enjoy.

I  mean the love that exists in this world, in our communities, that roll of the tip of our tongues.

Love is giving your all, but love is also learning to accept the grace and the gifts that you have been presented with.

So many of us try to be heroes of our own might. 

We refuse to take help, but all we want is to give, thinking that this "unconditional" giving will build us up and earn us brownie points with our Sovereign King.

Some others think love is measured by a cup, a kiss, a hug, a thought, money, bags, shoes... tangible, countable acts of giving.

And so, love on earth loses it's beauty. From a beacon of hope and light to the leash that hangs around your neck, the lock that sits on the door of your heart, the shaded glasses that sit on the bridge of your nose, the chains that weigh down your feet and the cuffs that restrict your hands.

We have taken love, and made it cheap.

We have associated love with conditions, romantic, friendly, equal, fair, accountable, reject-able.

Love, lifts you up.

Love, should not weigh you down.

Love, is as essential as a glass of plain water.

Simple, and pure.

Love is. 

Passed.

If you got through whatever you had to,
in one piece.

You have passed.

It means the worst is over.
And all you need to do now is deal with the aftermath.

Cleaning up, removing, reinventing.

It hurts to have to be reminded of our past,
but if one day,
you find you're able to look at it face to face,
and know that it had to happen to get you where you are today.

Perhaps,
then you would have really passed the test of love and life,
with flying colors.

There's nothing to regret,
there's just alot that the new people in our lives have to deal with,
that we have to help them and ourselves deal with.

To Mr Who,
I truly do wish you the best.

Thank you for once being a part of this family :)

You Go Your Way

I go my way.

Ever since hosting an orchestra concert in Nanyang when I was in Secondary 3,
I've always hoped for a chance to sing with one.

Doing good is contagious

Three guys with stable good paying jobs,
giving it all up to make videos for a good cause FULL-TIME.

"Hey I just met you, and this is crazy... but here's my number. So call me maybe?"

Contagious much?

http://jubileeproject.org/