I keep things to myself... not because I want to.
But because that is my handicap, baring my sadness and sorrows to people. Its not that I'm not willing, or I don't want to show the world that I am weak, that I am imperfect. But when it comes out of my mouth, the words I struggle so hard to find, the sentence structures never fully reflect the depths of my heart. And it bothers me more, that I'm unable to express myself, and that people at the end of the day are unable to really understand what I'm trying to say.

So I blog.

I always say that's the reason I blog.
And that without blogging, I'm a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode.

But I've shifted my words away.
Because words are also read by people who won't understand.
My words, are read by people who might understand, but don't want to fully understand.

And it makes me feel even more hapless.

That my words will only be words.

I don't need to understood.

At least not now.

If anything, its that the words on my blog sometimes strikes a chord with someone's heart and they carry that word in their heart to give them strength or clarity towards life.

That heartens me.

So I'll continue to blog. Quietly.

So that the day I open the doors of my heart again. It would be my greatest pleasure to invite you all in and throw in a free cocktail. Asking you to partake in the honest words that come from my heart, that open your eyes a little to the hurt and the spiritual battles I fight in my life.

There's bloodshed in a battle, just as how there will be victory.
And I will emerge bloody, but victorious.

And from my bleeding heart, the fountain of tears well up in my eyes.