Morning blues

The last 15 minutes of everyday I toss and turn,
and the heart beats like its running its own race.
With each beat, the area of flesh around the thorn is aggravated,
and i feel a gentle prick, a tear maybe.
I focus all my energy on praying, to try and keep the wound together.
And eventually, I fall asleep.

With the little bit of noise or movement, I wake up in the morning.
The first 15 minutes of each day, I toss and turn.
And the heart remembers it hasn't finished the race it was running last night and continues running.
Step, by step.

I can almost count the steps because times goes by slowly in this first 15 minutes of my day.

I used to wake up full of hopes and expectations and excitement towards what the day would bring.

Nowadays, I wake up knowing.
Knowing that I have no plans.
Knowing that spontaneity is out of the question.
That now my days have to be charted and planned.
Because time is running out.
And because while time is running out.
Time is spread thin.

Life is such a hoax.

We would be silly to take it too seriously.

And uninspired to not take it seriously.

Spontaneity. Where have you gone?