Hypocritical Me

I don't think there's a point in defending ourselves sometimes,
and yet the words to refute everything just comes.

We're so hypocritical.
I think what our mind does, is that it shuts out certain fragments of information and memories in that instance, giving you a strong self-belief that whatever that person just said about you is not true, because "if your memory serves you right" (and it often does not.) you don't recall ever having said that or felt that way about somebody.

I was reading my book of thoughts, thoughts I so honestly and unbashfully write at moments where I can't find an outlet that would be neutral enough to leave me be. And it's funny. It actually really is. This whole hypocritical thing is, rather funny.

That's why we can't possibly depend on ourselves.
We can't even trust ourselves sometimes.

People who don't believe in a God sometimes say that religion is for the weak.
You're too weak to believe in yourself, and so you have to depend on some higher being.

True, but the fact is we all are weaker beings.

If my memory serves me right(hurhur), I've told a few people off for being hypocritical in the things that they claim/say. In those angsty moments, those late nights where you just don't understand why people do the things they do, and you grab hold of every piece of evidence that convicts them.

Only that today, I'm feeling rather weak.
Haunted by dreams, by the past of waking up with my fist pounding on the wall.

And I realize. We're all convicted, I know I am.
I know I have a million things I cannot explain and account for, dozens of entries which scream "injustice!" for things which I myself have done.

I don't feel so strong. I don't wish to defend myself.

You're a hypocrite if:

You don't care for SMS-es from friends, and you get a whole lot of them.
But on days when you do care, you don't get any and you kick up a fuss.

You act cool when you could, but when your heart decides to go against your predictions, you realize you want to sing sappy songs about turning back time and doing everything you can to make it better.

You tell your friends how awesome your parents are, and how blessed you are but when you're home, you speak rudely and you cannot be bothered to help them fix the TV.

You care for a friend, but at the same time you wish you never had to have such a friend or have any stronger feelings than that.



Don't tell me you've never felt that way!
Don't tell me I'm the only hypocrite in this whole wide world?!?

I'm saying, it's ok to be one.
Don't blame yourself, don't hate yourself.
(Although honestly, when you're weak, every sappy commercial love song seems to make alot of sense and you just want to slap yourself and say "Hello??? Cheesy! Wake up!!!")

Say it loud and say it proud.
"Boy! I am such a hypocrite!"

If you accept that you are, and you acknowledge that your thoughts can hardly catch up with your thoughts... at least you're not hypocritical in this topic of "hypocrites."

I think my next whiny post shall be titled "why me".
That is a very very good title.
And what keeps running through my head on an imaginary thread mill that I can't find the stop button to.