Monday, September 17, 2012
Saturday, September 08, 2012
In Wake
Today I attended a wake,
and it hit me that the name in itself means so much.
And perhaps even though in this earth, the time of one's life has ceased ticking...
it means somewhere else the journey has begun for a new phase.
As we sat there, realizing how many years of our lives have passed us by...
only to have our paths cross again on such an occasion..
So many years down the road,
I guess I'm glad for the way things happened.
Despite how painfully incomprehensible some of it may be, even till now.
Humans are a difficult bunch to keep, to understand, to bring together in one mind, one might.
In the wake of it all,
I hope to fall asleep,
peacefully... gratefully..
Praying that the mercies new every morning will help us to re-learn...
the power of pure love, sacrifice...
and unaccountable,
unconditional friendship and joy.
and it hit me that the name in itself means so much.
And perhaps even though in this earth, the time of one's life has ceased ticking...
it means somewhere else the journey has begun for a new phase.
As we sat there, realizing how many years of our lives have passed us by...
only to have our paths cross again on such an occasion..
So many years down the road,
I guess I'm glad for the way things happened.
Despite how painfully incomprehensible some of it may be, even till now.
Humans are a difficult bunch to keep, to understand, to bring together in one mind, one might.
In the wake of it all,
I hope to fall asleep,
peacefully... gratefully..
Praying that the mercies new every morning will help us to re-learn...
the power of pure love, sacrifice...
and unaccountable,
unconditional friendship and joy.
Thursday, September 06, 2012
Monday, September 03, 2012
Crazy is...
Doing what you believe is right even if the world thinks it's foolish.
Even if the world advises you otherwise.
You rarely prove them wrong, but... sometimes you do.
Take a risk, make a guess.
Even if the world advises you otherwise.
You rarely prove them wrong, but... sometimes you do.
Take a risk, make a guess.
Saturday, September 01, 2012
心會跳，會死亡。
Busy days peppered with music collaborations are pretty much the best kind of tired I have experienced.
The throbbing heart finds a beat, a note to be at ease with.
And for those few hours, even though the heart doesn't stop beating,
the thump thump murky noises it makes are just part of the bigger picture of music.
It's no longer the cause and effect of the circumstances.
It's a simple rhythm of life, of good times and new times.
But when the music stops,
the silence takes over.
You close your eyes,
listen to nothing in particular.
But continue to enjoy the music of the night.
Music is sound, and silence.
Love, is have and had.
The throbbing heart finds a beat, a note to be at ease with.
And for those few hours, even though the heart doesn't stop beating,
the thump thump murky noises it makes are just part of the bigger picture of music.
It's no longer the cause and effect of the circumstances.
It's a simple rhythm of life, of good times and new times.
But when the music stops,
the silence takes over.
You close your eyes,
listen to nothing in particular.
But continue to enjoy the music of the night.
Music is sound, and silence.
Love, is have and had.
Friday, August 31, 2012
小霧
如果我們住在同一個城市
或同一間小屋
或許 不用爭吵
誰飛來飛去
不過我們的家隔著一層霧
像帶刺的禮物
讓心緒遊蕩
卻揮之不去
我總要站在高 處
看不見你為何而笑
享受著什麽味道
腦海裡什麽歌
大調
小調
忘不了
用盡方法換取了很多里數
卻換不來溫度
依然
任誰保護
也有點不足
透過望遠鏡也眺望到幸福
卻沒什麼領悟
情願把焦點放在 星空
更滿足
變成天文的信徒
看不見你為何而笑
享受著什麽味道
腦海裡什麽歌
大調
或小調
你碰見某人那麼巧
在哪個街角聊聊
過馬路猶豫了
多一秒
少一秒
看不到
電話中
你倦了
我只好勾住月亮
晃搖
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
8/28
4D anyone?
This is one of those days I hope doesn't pass by in a flash.
I'm not going to hurry, I'm not going to be flustered.
Let's just take it slow.
And rest in the finished works.
This is one of those days I hope doesn't pass by in a flash.
I'm not going to hurry, I'm not going to be flustered.
Let's just take it slow.
And rest in the finished works.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Left, right?
How many more times do I have to turn that corner,
before my heart stops stirring.
In the still of the night, it's easy to let the steering wheel make the decisions.
Pulling towards an avenue of regrets,
alluringly sucking me towards.
As though there's anything waiting at the end of the road that doesn't eat up time.
And time is all I have.
I want to give in,
except I don't.
I turn the wheel 20 degree anti clockwise,
and I'm back on the road of recovery.
before my heart stops stirring.
In the still of the night, it's easy to let the steering wheel make the decisions.
Pulling towards an avenue of regrets,
alluringly sucking me towards.
As though there's anything waiting at the end of the road that doesn't eat up time.
And time is all I have.
I want to give in,
except I don't.
I turn the wheel 20 degree anti clockwise,
and I'm back on the road of recovery.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Summer
You're so hot I can't ignore you.
You're too hot to... RESIST.
I don't need four seasons.
I just need two?
Waiting/Hoping for Autumn :)
You're too hot to... RESIST.
I don't need four seasons.
I just need two?
Waiting/Hoping for Autumn :)
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Choose your battles
"It's when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you
see it through no matter what. You rarely win, but sometimes you do."
- To kill a mockingbird
Tired of fighting against, fighting for.
I don't hope to win, I just want to see it through.
Nobody really wins anyway, so do what you will, say what you need to say and go your own way.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Gunai, Gumawnin.
Sleep should come easy tonight.
Waking up in 4 hours is the difficult bit.
Why does it feel like time is running out?
Waking up in 4 hours is the difficult bit.
Why does it feel like time is running out?
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Worst Christian Friend
Yes.
I say go.
天冷你就回來，別在風中徘徊。
Because, I know you'll come back.
Wandering wonderer.
I say go.
天冷你就回來，別在風中徘徊。
Because, I know you'll come back.
Wandering wonderer.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Laughable Life
Oh the title isn't meant to be sarcastic.
Just a realization that I take life too seriously,
I take even jokes, very seriously.
I take people, even more seriously.
It's actually a good thing, except that sometimes what we don't realize is that by taking all the above so seriously, you tend to end up feeling stressed, and putting the stress on the things, people you love. And that usually doesn't bode well.
When we take people seriously, we expect people to take us seriously too.
And often, it is not hope that kills.
But the hope that our expectations will be met, that kills.
In that way, we ourselves,
have murdered our friends and family over and over countless times.
And in turn been murdered, victims of manslaughter, homicide ...many times over.
And so, have a laughable life.
Laugh, at that disappointing moment.
Chuckle, at that blunt criticism.
Giggle, and neutralize that frown.
Cackle, when your crackling pork is not one bit crackling.
Smile, at the knowledge that people are just going to walk in, and out of your life.
Goodbye, goodbye! Haha, haha!
Hello, hello! Teeheeheeheehee!
I don't know what I'm laughing about or for, but it just makes it all seem a tad less grey!
Just a realization that I take life too seriously,
I take even jokes, very seriously.
I take people, even more seriously.
It's actually a good thing, except that sometimes what we don't realize is that by taking all the above so seriously, you tend to end up feeling stressed, and putting the stress on the things, people you love. And that usually doesn't bode well.
When we take people seriously, we expect people to take us seriously too.
And often, it is not hope that kills.
But the hope that our expectations will be met, that kills.
In that way, we ourselves,
have murdered our friends and family over and over countless times.
And in turn been murdered, victims of manslaughter, homicide ...many times over.
And so, have a laughable life.
Laugh, at that disappointing moment.
Chuckle, at that blunt criticism.
Giggle, and neutralize that frown.
Cackle, when your crackling pork is not one bit crackling.
Smile, at the knowledge that people are just going to walk in, and out of your life.
Goodbye, goodbye! Haha, haha!
Hello, hello! Teeheeheeheehee!
I don't know what I'm laughing about or for, but it just makes it all seem a tad less grey!
Thursday, August 02, 2012
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
浪費不是白費
I'm not wasting any of my wasted time.
I intend to waste most of my thoughts and feelings feeling wasted.
I feel like wasting out on a new camera and a new classic ipod.
I may be wasting space on my 32GB iphone, but I like carrying my waste around with me.
I may be wasting my energy on that track, but it feels good to feel wasted.
I just wasted 5minutes of my life scrolling the facebook timeline.
I told myself it's a wasted life, looking at other wasted lives attempt to cover up their wastefulness.
I think wasting is fun, when there's nothing else that's of absolute clarity that beckons.
Maybe you got wasted one night, and you blurted everything out, and it was all a waste.
Maybe in your haste, everything you thought was wasteful, never really got wasted properly.
If it has to become waste, make sure you waste it to the full.
If you have leftover emotions, make sure they don't go to waste being in waste.
I'm not wasting any of my wasted time.
But I'll continue wasting,
until this bin of hoarding up wasted memories gets full and a new empty bin comes along.
It's ok to feel wasted, because nothing really should go to waste.
In fact, nothing really does go to waste.
Reuse, Reduce, Recycle.
Your past, your present, your future.
I intend to waste most of my thoughts and feelings feeling wasted.
I feel like wasting out on a new camera and a new classic ipod.
I may be wasting space on my 32GB iphone, but I like carrying my waste around with me.
I may be wasting my energy on that track, but it feels good to feel wasted.
I just wasted 5minutes of my life scrolling the facebook timeline.
I told myself it's a wasted life, looking at other wasted lives attempt to cover up their wastefulness.
I think wasting is fun, when there's nothing else that's of absolute clarity that beckons.
Maybe you got wasted one night, and you blurted everything out, and it was all a waste.
Maybe in your haste, everything you thought was wasteful, never really got wasted properly.
If it has to become waste, make sure you waste it to the full.
If you have leftover emotions, make sure they don't go to waste being in waste.
I'm not wasting any of my wasted time.
But I'll continue wasting,
until this bin of hoarding up wasted memories gets full and a new empty bin comes along.
It's ok to feel wasted, because nothing really should go to waste.
In fact, nothing really does go to waste.
Reuse, Reduce, Recycle.
Your past, your present, your future.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Undercurrents
*long-winded. Don't read.*
Maybe we're not two-faced.
After all, we're just trying hard not to show the things people don't like to see.
The undercurrents of our inner souls,
the dark cold waters that are still at times,
and turbulent with massive whirlpools threatening to suck even the darkness in.
Why put it all out on a pedestal,
only to have people shun it,
or wish they hadn't laid eyes on it?
Yeah?
You tell yourself, love is patient and love is kind, it does not boast, it does not envy...
and it keeps your darkness at bay all for 3 seconds.
By the third gasp of breath,
the undercurrents have all surfaced, bubbling in sheer desperation to take over,
all that you've been working hard to maintain.
The calm, the peaceful ripples of life.
Temporal Paralysis.
Your body knows it cannot fight,
and it's smart.
Smarter than you think it is.
You can thrash in the water all you want,
and you'll still get sucked under.
But what if you just stopped.
What if you SHUT DOWN.
Your body goes rigid,
your eyeballs they roll back into your head,
life seems to slip away.
And for that moment,
the undercurrents are fooled.
They start bubbling in confusion.
Unsure and cocksure.
All at the same time.
Your rigid body gets sucked under anyway,
but the demons of the deep have lost their initial drive.
They're not interested in souls which don't seem to care whether or not they get sucked under.
It spits you out.
And despite being lifeless,
your body retains some form of warmth,
the hope,
the knowledge that the days are long,
and the battles are not lost until the day you turn to ashes.
Like a dim light in a dark room,
the little bit of warmth in your body lights up the dark empty room of your soul.
Shadows start dancing around,
because the light is back.
Dim, but fills the room.
It grows brighter,
and the shadows,
they grow bigger and clearer too.
For those few hours,
sitting on my chair,
reading and re-reading,
looking and re-looking,
thinking and re-thinking,
it is what it is.
I choke,
and I gasp and rejoice in the fact that my dreams are still alive,
my mum,
who just an hour ago,
lay limp and pale in the car drenched in cold sweat,
5 minutes ago sat on my bed asking for tidbits,
the color back in her face.
I'm thankful,
that God made me with a automated mechanism to keep me from going down under.
There are alot of people who need me,
I have baggage,
and responsibilities.
Who doesn't?
Ok, some people honestly don't seem to have any.
But that's them,
they have other worries of their own too,
I'm sure.
No room for compare, contrast and self-pity.
But,
What if I need you,
so I can continue being needed by the others?
What if someone needs you,
so they can continue being needed by others?
Can you handle that?
Can you love even when it's hard?
Can you love someone for everything?
The good the bad,
the seemingly necessary,
and the sometimes unnecessary,
so that they will have a little more strength to continue in their wretched circles.
Someone will be there for me.
I know he's there for me.
All the days of my life.
In my joy, I will rejoice.
In my suffering, I too will lift up my weary hands,
and say "Holy, holy is the King of Heavens and Earth and the keeper of my soul."
Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord,
wretched or not.
:)
It's been a long day, I am so so so tired.
I'm so happy I'm still walking on water,
and not under.
If you're feeling like me,
don't give up.
Don't ever, ever give up.
On that person, that dream, that thought that started you off in the first place.
Take heart, It happens.
You're not alone.
*wow, you finished reading it anyway. *
Maybe we're not two-faced.
After all, we're just trying hard not to show the things people don't like to see.
The undercurrents of our inner souls,
the dark cold waters that are still at times,
and turbulent with massive whirlpools threatening to suck even the darkness in.
Why put it all out on a pedestal,
only to have people shun it,
or wish they hadn't laid eyes on it?
Yeah?
You tell yourself, love is patient and love is kind, it does not boast, it does not envy...
and it keeps your darkness at bay all for 3 seconds.
By the third gasp of breath,
the undercurrents have all surfaced, bubbling in sheer desperation to take over,
all that you've been working hard to maintain.
The calm, the peaceful ripples of life.
Temporal Paralysis.
Your body knows it cannot fight,
and it's smart.
Smarter than you think it is.
You can thrash in the water all you want,
and you'll still get sucked under.
But what if you just stopped.
What if you SHUT DOWN.
Your body goes rigid,
your eyeballs they roll back into your head,
life seems to slip away.
And for that moment,
the undercurrents are fooled.
They start bubbling in confusion.
Unsure and cocksure.
All at the same time.
Your rigid body gets sucked under anyway,
but the demons of the deep have lost their initial drive.
They're not interested in souls which don't seem to care whether or not they get sucked under.
It spits you out.
And despite being lifeless,
your body retains some form of warmth,
the hope,
the knowledge that the days are long,
and the battles are not lost until the day you turn to ashes.
Like a dim light in a dark room,
the little bit of warmth in your body lights up the dark empty room of your soul.
Shadows start dancing around,
because the light is back.
Dim, but fills the room.
It grows brighter,
and the shadows,
they grow bigger and clearer too.
For those few hours,
sitting on my chair,
reading and re-reading,
looking and re-looking,
thinking and re-thinking,
it is what it is.
I choke,
and I gasp and rejoice in the fact that my dreams are still alive,
my mum,
who just an hour ago,
lay limp and pale in the car drenched in cold sweat,
5 minutes ago sat on my bed asking for tidbits,
the color back in her face.
I'm thankful,
that God made me with a automated mechanism to keep me from going down under.
There are alot of people who need me,
I have baggage,
and responsibilities.
Who doesn't?
Ok, some people honestly don't seem to have any.
But that's them,
they have other worries of their own too,
I'm sure.
No room for compare, contrast and self-pity.
But,
What if I need you,
so I can continue being needed by the others?
What if someone needs you,
so they can continue being needed by others?
Can you handle that?
Can you love even when it's hard?
Can you love someone for everything?
The good the bad,
the seemingly necessary,
and the sometimes unnecessary,
so that they will have a little more strength to continue in their wretched circles.
Someone will be there for me.
I know he's there for me.
All the days of my life.
In my joy, I will rejoice.
In my suffering, I too will lift up my weary hands,
and say "Holy, holy is the King of Heavens and Earth and the keeper of my soul."
Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord,
wretched or not.
:)
It's been a long day, I am so so so tired.
I'm so happy I'm still walking on water,
and not under.
If you're feeling like me,
don't give up.
Don't ever, ever give up.
On that person, that dream, that thought that started you off in the first place.
Take heart, It happens.
You're not alone.
*wow, you finished reading it anyway. *
Friday, July 20, 2012
微笑的原因。
一天可以就這樣過去，
一年也很有可能在你還沒完全痊愈的情況下就這樣離去。
快速的人生，快速的轉移心裡面的負擔和愛意。
以為自己在原地打轉，
其實時間只要一刻不停止，
即使原地打轉，也能夠轉出個奇蹟。
心裡的浪潮，得不到片刻的安靜。
但這一切，都不算甚麼。
沒甚麼是必要的。
就算是快樂，也不是理所當然的，也不是必須。
拼命追尋，好像是我們大多數人活著的宿命。
追尋這我們理想中的快樂，的美妙生活。
誰不想幸福？
誰不想快樂。
這幸福，這快樂，怎麼卻如此的不切實際。
不扎實。
就算是快樂，我們也變成了“就算只是曾經擁有我也死而無憾”的貧窮人類。
因為不扎實，我們拼了命的想要揮霍。
想要擁有所能夠擁有的一切，一切不扎實的美。
甚麼是快樂？
真正的快樂？
甚麼是擁有？
扎扎實實的擁有？
沒有。
眼睛看到的，
在腦袋里打轉，
變成心裡的哪一根刺，
哪一份溫暖。
眼睛矇矇的，
看到都是朦朧的美。
濕濕的，
溫溫的，
在眼睛里打轉，
形成了一個微笑。
嘴角沒能力完成的微笑，
變成了眼睛微笑的原因。
如果能夠，我還是會一樣傻，一樣努力，一樣固執，一樣脆弱。
這些，都變成了我微笑的原因。
He won't give me a solution to my problem,
but he gives us the strength and the grace to face it.
And the knowledge, that He is the solution.
I may be alive and hurting,
I may have regrets,
I may hate somebody right now,
I may be in love with someone,
all that will change...
But God doesn't.
He taught me,
that it's not hard for me to love you.
Unconditionally.
(oh, and thank you Mr Mraz. Your talent, @$%!? I feel like swearing, but I shouldn't so, BOOMZ. )
一年也很有可能在你還沒完全痊愈的情況下就這樣離去。
快速的人生，快速的轉移心裡面的負擔和愛意。
以為自己在原地打轉，
其實時間只要一刻不停止，
即使原地打轉，也能夠轉出個奇蹟。
心裡的浪潮，得不到片刻的安靜。
但這一切，都不算甚麼。
沒甚麼是必要的。
就算是快樂，也不是理所當然的，也不是必須。
拼命追尋，好像是我們大多數人活著的宿命。
追尋這我們理想中的快樂，的美妙生活。
誰不想幸福？
誰不想快樂。
這幸福，這快樂，怎麼卻如此的不切實際。
不扎實。
就算是快樂，我們也變成了“就算只是曾經擁有我也死而無憾”的貧窮人類。
因為不扎實，我們拼了命的想要揮霍。
想要擁有所能夠擁有的一切，一切不扎實的美。
甚麼是快樂？
真正的快樂？
甚麼是擁有？
扎扎實實的擁有？
沒有。
眼睛看到的，
在腦袋里打轉，
變成心裡的哪一根刺，
哪一份溫暖。
眼睛矇矇的，
看到都是朦朧的美。
濕濕的，
溫溫的，
在眼睛里打轉，
形成了一個微笑。
嘴角沒能力完成的微笑，
變成了眼睛微笑的原因。
如果能夠，我還是會一樣傻，一樣努力，一樣固執，一樣脆弱。
這些，都變成了我微笑的原因。
He won't give me a solution to my problem,
but he gives us the strength and the grace to face it.
And the knowledge, that He is the solution.
I may be alive and hurting,
I may have regrets,
I may hate somebody right now,
I may be in love with someone,
all that will change...
But God doesn't.
He taught me,
that it's not hard for me to love you.
Unconditionally.
(oh, and thank you Mr Mraz. Your talent, @$%!? I feel like swearing, but I shouldn't so, BOOMZ. )
Monday, July 09, 2012
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)